


It Really Doesn’t Matter- if I’m Wrong, I’m Right

by xiamer



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fire Lord Zuko, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other, References to Canon Child Abuse, Zuko Needs a Hug, Zuko is a gay, Zuko is not having a good time, almost getting murdered does that to a guy, also Zuko is hard of hearing, and Zuko is ALSO half blind, because it’s zuko, but it’s not super graphic, but there is violence, forgive any glaring inaccuracies this was not betaed and i haven’t looked at it at all, hurt zuko, hurt/comfort at the end baybey, its kinda highlighting zuko and azula parallels, it’s an assassination attempt, like emotionally but also physically, look at his eye and ear and tell me they work i fucking dare you, mieko is literally the only mentally stable character in this and she’s a fucking bird, so im not tagging it graphic depictions of violence, zuko has internalised homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27775099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiamer/pseuds/xiamer
Summary: It had already been three years since he had first emerged, freshly scarred, and now Zuko was back in the Fire Nation palace. However, this time, Zuko was no longer the disgrace of the royal family; he was allowed to feel for once. No, now Zuko was Fire Lord, and had helped end the 100 Year War. He had helped usher in an era of peace, alongside the Avatar no less. Or at least he hoped it would be an era of peace, it had only actually been a few months since the coronation. Zuko was barely 17 and he already had so much work to do to fix the horrors of the past 100 years.
Relationships: (idk if that’s a tag), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Zuko and his staff
Comments: 9
Kudos: 193





	It Really Doesn’t Matter- if I’m Wrong, I’m Right

**Author's Note:**

> hi this was supposed to be 8k
> 
> also im bad at summaries so i usually just take the first part of the story and hope it works, but it doesn’t really warm here, so if you clicked on this, kudos to you brave soldier 
> 
> i literally ignored the comics completely, because i have not read them and i just don’t know enough to try and make this fit in their timeline
> 
> the title is from ‘fixing a hole’ by the Beatles bc i suck at titles 
> 
> ok here are some tw just for the fic
> 
> Zuko has the unhealthy coping mechanism of just ignoring the problem; hes got some not great mental health, so like think of what happened to azula but toned down on the scale of intensity; he has a nightmare at one point that is kinda graphic kinda not, it’s really just his first Agni Kai again; he’s got internalised homophobia, but doesnt say any slurs or anything; there is an assassination attempt, but the biggest thing described is a little bit of blood and some slashes near his scar 
> 
> that should be everything so yeah !! hope y’all enjoy

Zuko’s biggest problem was that he always felt too much. It was the complete opposite to how his father wanted him to be and was thus how his sister acted. Azula was detached from reality and her own emotions; perhaps that had started the day she produced her first flame, the day that she became Ozai’s new pawn. He didn’t believe she was born that way, for Zuko could still see flashes of memory where his baby sister giggled at him and loved him, but those were so far removed from his recent timeline, that he began to question whether or not they truly existed. 

In the opposite manner of what his father expected and what his sister displayed, Zuko felt too much, too fast. 

He was too quick to trust, too quick to love, and too eager to please. By the time he turned 13, after his fateful Agni Kai, Zuko’s feelings had been beaten down by his family and he entered the world as the angry and brooding disgraced teenaged prince of the Fire Nation, who was prone to violent mood swings. 

That was Prince Zuko. 

That wasn’t Zuko. 

It had already been three years since he had first emerged, freshly scarred, and now Zuko was back in the Fire Nation palace. However, this time, Zuko was no longer the disgrace of the royal family; he was allowed to feel for once. No, now Zuko was Fire Lord, and had helped end the 100 Year War. He had helped usher in an era of peace, alongside the  _ Avatar _ no less. Or at least he hoped it would be an era of peace, it had only actually been a few months since the coronation. Zuko was barely 17 and he already had so much work to do to fix the horrors of the past 100 years. 

Oh right. 

Zuko was the 17 year old leader of the most powerful nation in the world. 

_ And he was scared shitless.  _

Here he was, sitting all alone in Fire Lord’s study, in the palace, in the centre of the Fire National Capital. 

Well, it wasn’t fair to say that he was completely alone; Zuko still had Mai around the palace, and if he risked a trip to the hospital, he could visit Azula, though you never could be certain how that would turn out. 

Everyone else, however, had gone. The members, of the “Gaang” as they liked to call themselves, had dispersed across the world, just as they had all hoped they would. 

Sokka went first, telling Zuko to keep in contact, that he’d be back soon, that he was just heading back to the South with his father to see what needed to be done. Zuko waved off his concerns with a laugh, telling him to just get going already, that of  _ course _ he’d write, that Sokka need not cut his trip short just for Zuko’s sake. Sokka had laughed back, and had set off about six months ago. 

That was the one that hurt the most. 

Katara and Aang had left next. “Important Avatar Business” they cited. Zuko had once again laughed and hugged them goodbye, watching them fly off on Appa, wondering why it still felt harder to watch his one friend go, as opposed to two of them at once. 

Suki left the day after Katara and Aang, stating that she wished and check on Sokka in the South. She wasn’t particularly worried for her boyfriend, but she just wanted to know if he was okay. Zuko was in a meeting when she snuck away; perhaps that was for the best. He didn’t think that he could watch her go be somewhere, with some _ one, _ that he desperately longed to be. 

Toph and Uncle left together. That was just last week for Zuko. Uncle had made sure Zuko knew what he was doing, before quietly telling him, though with Iroh it was more  _ asking _ , that he was going to re open the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se, Zuko smiled and practically pushed him out the door. He had asked of his uncle so much, and all he wanted was for Iroh to be at peace. So when the time came for Uncle to depart, taking Toph with him as a “bodyguard” she claimed, he let them go freely, promising to come by for a cup of jasmine tea sometime. 

That had left only Zuko, his ex (?) girlfriend. Not exactly who he longed to be with, but it was at least someone. 

Zuko and Mai had made up since the disastrous events including, but not limited to, him dumping her via letter, him getting imprisoned, her breaking him out, which subsequently led to her getting imprisoned. All in all, a not great experience for either of them. But they had talked since then, and to the courts they were officially back together, but to themselves?

Zuko wasn’t sure. 

If he thought about it, Zuko would have realised that what he felt for Mai was never more than platonic. They complimented each other well, seeing as both of them felt what seemed like nothing but despair and destitution. However, it never felt real to him. Zuko never felt any sort of connection deeper than that of a friendship when it came to Mai, nothing like how he felt with-

Zuko sighed; he couldn’t go down that road again. 

The young Fire Lord tried to break himself out of his thoughts, tried to turn back to look at the tea cup that he held in front of him. He hardly even noticed how much it had been rattling on the saucer. The cup was in his right hand, the saucer held in a death grip in his left. His right hand was trembling, and he hadn’t even noticed the amount of tea he had managed to spill on himself. Zuko quickly slammed the cup and saucer back down on the desk in front of him; he just barely missed splashing all over documents that he hadn’t so much as  _ touched _ yet. Zuko steadied himself for just a moment, before bringing the cup back up to his lips.

It was a pale imitation of Uncle’s ginseng tea. Instead of being sweet and earthy, it had gone bitter. Perhaps Zuko had already lost his touch. The tea only served as a crude reminder that he was out of his depth, and was missing his uncle. 

Zuko sighed again- he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. He brought his hands through his hair, just long enough to be gathered in the smallest of topknots. It was a source of personal pride and victory to Zuko that he was able to grow it out long enough to be put up again; a little reminder of the journey he had been on. 

There was a small mirror off to the side in the study, and Zuko found himself drawn to it in that moment; walking over before he was even sure of what he was doing. 

His hair was longer than it was when he was hiking around the world with Aang. Back then- had it even been long enough to be a “back then” moment?- Zuko had simply been growing his hair back in. Now he was growing it out to a respectable length. It was still short, but it was slowly getting better and was on track to show Zuko how he wanted to be. 

It was honourable. 

Zuko adjusted the crown atop his head and watched as little pieces fell out to frame his face. He frowned when he noticed how uneven they were. 

He blinked and saw blue flames and blue lightning. 

He blinked again and it was gone. 

Zuko smoothed them back and took a shaky exhale as he walked away from the mirror and made his way back to the desk he was previously at. He picked up one of the scrolls that were littered across it. 

_ Dearest Fire Lord Zuko, _

If Toph were there, she would have commented on how his heartbeat became just the littlest bit more erratic at only the first line. 

_ How’s that for the fancy new title? Figured I probably shouldn’t start a whole new war with the Fire Nation by calling you jerkbender, jerkbender.  _

Zuko smiled at the letter; he always did when it came to Sokka. 

Sokka’s comforting handwriting told Zuko stories of ice fishing, negotiations, and reconstruction. He was proud of everything his friend had managed to accomplish in the six months they had already spent apart. Zuko not-so-secretly hoped that perhaps Sokka felt the same way whenever he received word of the Fire Lord’s accomplishments. He only hoped that Sokka still thought of him more than just the occasional letter. Zuko knew  _ he  _ certainly did, and couldn’t bear the thought of the man he loved-

No, adored. 

No. 

His friend, nothing more. 

Pushing aside the letter, and any thoughts like  _ that _ , Zuko decided it would probably be best to go take a walk. Strolling by the turtle duck pond always served to empty his thoughts and calm his brain. 

He neatened up the desk and briskly walked out of the door, acknowledging his guards with a nod and a slight smile. Zuko was glad to see them start to trust him more. He couldn’t blame them for their initial hesitation, as he himself was hesitant to be around them. They had guarded Ozai and Zuko was afraid they were still loyal to him. They were afraid that Zuko was the next Ozai. It was fair to have their mutual distrust, but after the first assassination attempt- only two weeks after Uncle and Toph left, and Zuko had refused to let news of it leave the palace- the rift between them had started to heal and Zuko trusted the guards that he kept close to him. There were still the occasional dissenters hellbent on trying to keep the old regime, but they were easy to spot and fire. 

The hallways of the royal palace seemed wondrous and grand when he was a child, but now that Zuko was Fire Lord, they felt dead and constricting. Each was lined with rows and rows of sconces, and the fires in them seemed to dim whenever Zuko walked past. He remembered them burning brighter- more  _ glorious _ \- when Ozai or Azulon marched down the hallways, but now everything seemed to shrink in on itself and become depressed when Zuko strode past. It was a rather good reflection of his own self; perhaps that was why the fires of his childhood always seemed so unreal and dangerous, given who they were caused by. 

Zuko hardly even noticed that he was out of the palace until he nearly tripped over a turtleduck. It gave an indignant quack, and Zuko knelt down to scoop it up. 

“I’m sorry Mieko. I didn’t mean it.”

Mieko quacked again and Zuko produced a small cracker from inside his robes. He had taken some from the kitchens earlier that day in preparation for the moment he inevitably walked down to the pond. 

Zuko sat down at the water’s edge and placed Mieko on his lap as he fed her the cracker. He tried not to have favourites when it came to the turtleducks; hell, most people probably couldn’t even tell them apart. However, Mieko was an exception. She was the baby turtleduck that he had hit in the face with bread at the pond all those years ago with his mother. He had gotten bitten by Mieko’s mother in defence of her young, but after his mother pried her off, he had noticed that Mieko had a little scar on her face. He hadn’t thought much of it as a child; maybe he felt a little bad for her seeing as something must have injured her to leave a scar, but nothing much past that. However, now that Zuko also happened to have a  _ little _ scar on his face, he felt an inexplicable sense of closeness with the creature. It was moments like this that encouraged assassination attempts and the cries of the people calling him weak- after all, what Fire Lord let themselves relate to a  _ turtleduck _ ?

Zuko shook himself of those thoughts. If there was one thing he was going to be good at, it would be being Fire Lord. He had already seen three examples of how  _ not _ to do it. 

Mieko had finished her cracker and was now settling down on Zuko’s lap. Mieko quacked again, and let him rest his hand on her head. 

“You know, Mieko, there was an old toad I used to talk to,” he paused to consider his next words. “Llike what we’re doing now, I guess.”

Zuko felt sheepish admitting it, even though it was just him, and the turtleduck on his lap, who would be able to hear. 

“But he was nice. Well, not nice. He jumped on me a lot, and not in a good way. He never sat with me like you do, Mieko. I guess I was more… stressed with him, but still. You’re nicer than he was, but he wasn’t… the worst.”

“Sir.”

The voice came from his right side, but still startled him a little. Zuko turned to face Kibo, the head of his guards who was looking at him expectantly. He gave a quick greeting, which she returned. 

“What is it?”

“Lady Mai is waiting in your quarters. You requested her presence earlier?”

And  _ shit _ , Zuko had forgotten about that. He had done that earlier in the day, when he felt the confidence to address their… relationship? Was it a relationship? Zuko still wanted to know how she felt, but now he felt all bravery towards confrontation drain out of him. Still, he knew he had to sooner or later. 

“Thank you Kibo. I’ll head up now.”

He strode past her, and heard her and another guard fall into place behind him. No one spoke on the way to him room, and Zuko was too anxious to quell his running thoughts. 

What was happening between the two of them? Zuko had clearly hurt her before, with the letter. Even he knew that that was probably the worst way to break up with someone, yet she still pledged loyalty to him, even betraying Azula to save him. Was that for love? Months and months ago, when the war ended, she told him to never break up with her again. Was she in love with him? Was Zuko in love with  _ her _ ? He felt that the distance between them had only grown, despite the fact that they had every chance to see each other.

If he asked her to stay, would she? 

Would  _ he _ want her to?

Before his mind could give an answer to these questions, they had already reached his door. Kibo and the other guard took their positions outside the door, and Zuko took a deep breath before opening it. 

The doors to the balcony were thrown open and Mai was standing there with her back facing him. He closed the door to the room behind him and made his way over to her, settling by her left. 

Mai was leaning on the railing but straightened up to face Zuko. She gave him a small smile, and they shared an awkward embrace. Or was it just awkward for him?

“So,” she began “what did you need me for?”

Zuko wondered how to begin. How do you even start a conversation like that? 

“I… what are we doing?”

Mai tilted her head. “Well, we’re talking?”

“No, I- I know  _ that _ . But I meant more like- well…” Zuko trailed off, and braced his forearms against the railing, staring straight ahead. 

“What I meant is…”

Zuko didn’t need to turn his head to feel Mai’s gaze. He knew she must be looking at him, expecting an answer that he had no idea how to give. 

“What are we? I don’t- Are we together? I mean… I know we are, but are we?”

Silence hung in the air as Mai considered her response. What did he want her to say? Did he even  _ want _ to be together? Why did it matter so much?

Suddenly, everything slotted into place in his mind. 

“I think I’m in love with my best friend,” Zuko blurted out before Mai could respond. He dropped his head to the railing and wrapped his arms around it. 

Eventually, after what felt like a lifetime of tense silence, Mai poked him in the shoulder and Zuko raised his head. She was leaning against the railing, her back towards the world, looking up at the stars. Her expression was rueful as she spoke. 

“I think I am too.”

That was definitely not what Zuko was expecting, and he straightened out to match her posture against the railing. 

“Ty Lee?” He asked. 

She nodded. “I realised when we were locked away together, after we betrayed Azula.”

“Why’d you do it?”

“What?”

“Why’d you betray Azula in the first place?”

She sighed. “For the Fire Nation. For the world. For you. I don’t know. It was just what I had to do,” Mai huffed out a laugh, “I think I broke her when I told her I loved you more than I feared her.”

That took Zuko by surprise. She loved him? And she wasn’t afraid of  _ Azula _ ?

“You loved me?”

Mai tilted her head down to look at him, and Zuko looked back at her. “I did. I still do. Just… not that way.”

“I think I do too. Love you, that is. But as friends. Can we do that?”

She laughed a little. “Yeah. Yeah we can do that.”

Mai reached over to hug him again, and this time the awkwardness of their earlier embrace was gone. Zuko held tight to her, knowing that he didn’t have the stress of loving her romantically. Eventually they both pulled back; enough that they were still connected, but still had room to look at eachother. 

“So what happens now?” asked Mai. 

Zuko didn’t even think before the words were coming out of his mouth. 

“Well if you want to go to her then you should. I mean, I can handle all the stuff that comes with you leaving, and I’ll give you supplies for a journey and whatever else you need.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? I don’t feel great about just leaving you here alone.”

_ I need you to stay because I don’t think I can live like this alone.  _

“No trust me, I’ll be okay. I just want you to be happy. I’ll have everything ready for you by the end of the month.”

Mai smiles then; a full on grin that he hasn’t seen in years. She looks so happy, that Zuko knows he can’t keep her here any longer. She gives him one final squeeze and is dashing out the door then, no doubt to write Ty Lee a letter letting her know of her upcoming departure. 

Zuko kept a small smile on his face as he sank to the ground, sitting with his back against the railing. He tilted his head up towards the sky and tried not to think too hard about the conversation he just had. 

He fails. 

Mai would be leaving by the end of the month. He would be truly alone. She’d be meeting up with the person she was in love with, and who definitely loved her back. Zuko couldn’t leave the Fire Nation- not that he even wanted to- and was stuck sending Sokka letters full of fake cheer. And  _ fuck _ he was so gone on his friend that it was a little sad. His probably-definitely-not-interested friend. Who had a girlfriend that he constantly gushed about, and a seperate nation to worry about. His friend who couldn’t possibly want anything to do with him. 

Zuko brought his knees up to his chest and hid his face in them. His breath hitched for a second, but he didn’t allow himself to cry. He didn’t deserve to cry. Zuko thought back to the mirror in his study; the blue flames that he saw frame his body for just a second. If he cried he would be like  _ her  _ and he couldn’t let that happen. 

Zuko was okay. 

She was not. 

  
  
  


Eventually, he found the energy to drag himself back into his room, making sure to lock the doors to the balcony behind him. Zuko wasn’t really afraid of assassins, but he knew that his guards were. He was just coming off of the first real attempt on his life, so the palace was still a little on edge. 

Naturally, the first thing Zuko had made sure was that the news of the attempt had not left the palace walls. He couldn’t afford for the citizens of the nation to believe him weak. It was doubtless that they already did, due to the peace policies he had already set in place, but Zuko didn’t want to dig himself further into that hole. 

Besides, if the Fire Nation knew, then so would the Gaang, and Zuko  _ really _ didn’t want them to know. They would all drop everything and rush to his side, even though he was  _ fine regardless of what the healers said _ . 

It wasn’t that Zuko didn’t want to see his friends- he wanted that more than anything else- but he couldn’t. He couldn’t drag them away from their own tasks. They had left the Fire Nation for a reason, and Zuko’s personal reasons wouldn’t be responsible for what brought them back. 

Zuko sighed, much too heavily for a 17 year old, and began to change into his nightclothes. He knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep, but he also wouldn’t be able to do any work, so he may as well try to rest. 

He climbed into his bed and pulled the cover over him, relishing in the comfort of its warmth. His formal robes were stiff and uncomfortable; nothing like the softness of the blankets on his bed. Unfortunately, he rarely made it to bed, instead falling asleep in said robes. It was a small miracle every time he made it through a night in bed instead of in his office. 

Zuko closed his eyes and focused on evening out his breathing, hoping to lull himself to sleep. 

  
  
  


He opened his eyes a moment later to find himself in a familiar war room. However, instead of being sat at the head of the table, Zuko was positioned near the front, but still on the side. Out of the corner of his left eye, he saw the seat of the Fire Lord, that hadn’t been used since Ozai, shrouded in flames. 

Wait. 

That couldn’t be right. 

He was able to see clearly through his left eye, and noticed as well that his hearing felt clearer than it had in years; he noticed he could actually  _ hear _ through both ears. 

Zuko shakily reached up to touch his left cheek and felt nothing but smooth skin, soft as the other side of his face. 

Oh no. 

No, no, no. 

Zuko felt the words slip from his mouth without his permission. 

“You can’t sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation. How can you betray them?”

Those words- the ones that had condemned him years ago. Zuko knew what happened next, and he turned to face the Fire Lord’s throne. 

  
  


However, what he was not expecting was for none other than Azula to step out of the flames. 

“Oh Zuzu, you truly are clueless. This is all for the good of the nation! Surely you of all people should know this?” She ended with a smirk and Zuko began to panic. This was not how this went; this is not what happened. 

Azula slowly began to advance towards him, and Zuko found himself unable to move. She forced him onto his knees, and towered over him. This, at least, was familiar. It was still horrible, but at least he knew what was coming. 

She grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head back, exposing his left side to her. 

“You know what happens from here, don’t you Zuzu? You’re a disgrace to the Fire Nation. Father should have killed you, it would have done us all a favour. Luckily I’m here to remedy that.”

The fist not tangled in his hair lit with blue flames and was slowly lowered towards his face. Azula leaned close with it. 

“Oh and don’t think I don’t know about your little  _ crush _ . A water tribe peasant, really? I thought even you had better taste than that. You couldn’t have even gone for the girl, you went for the annoying boomerang boy. It’s honestly disgraceful.”

And with those words, she lowered the hand towards his face, only this time she laid her palm flat across both eyes. The last thing Zuko saw was blue flames, before he fell to the ground, clutching at his eyes. He tried to scream but his throat closed off and he couldn’t find himself able to get more than pained wherzes out. Azula cackled somewhere, but Zuko  _ couldn’t see _ . He had no idea where she was. He heard the jeers of the generals and commanders in the room around him; he had almost forgotten their presence. But soon the noise started fading away. It started to feel like normalcy almost; he couldn’t hear out of his left ear in reality. 

Suddenly Zuko heard a whisper in his head; or perhaps it was a regular voice and he simply couldn’t hear anymore. 

“Zuko,” came a voice that he hadn’t heard in ages. 

“Lu Ten?” he croaked out, barely coherent. 

“Little cousin,” he felt arms wrap around him. Zuko allowed himself to sink into them for a second, before he felt himself dropped, falling Agni knows where. 

“You have disappointed me. I did not die for you to ruin the Fire Nation like this.”

Wherever Zuko was falling, Lu Ten seemed to follow him. He let out a small whine as his older cousin’s words cut him deep. He tried to reply, tried to explain that he was trying his best, but the wind stole his words. 

“What would your mother think? Aunt Ursa already believes Azula a monster, but what about you? You’re hearing the dead speak just as she had, perhaps you’re turning into Azula. You are just as much a monster as her.”

With those parting words, Zuko’s eyes flew open. There was once a time where he would scream, wake up sobbing and thrashing, but that was ages ago. He learned the hard way that people will take advantage of that; people meaning psychotic little sisters. 

Zuko lit the lamp next to him with a small fire. He brought his hand to his face and exhaled shakily when he felt the scarred tissue around his left eye and ear. The dim flame illuminated the rest of the room and Zuko sighed in relief when he noticed he could see out of his right eye. Never before had he been thankful for one working eye and ear; it was better than nothing working, as it had in his dream. 

Resigned to accepting that he was getting no more sleep, Zuko stood up and walked over to the desk in his room. He pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill with a built in ink cartridge. Sokka had given it to him before he left the Fire Nation, stating that it would be best for him to have it, since he’d always be signing documents. Zuko allowed himself a smile at the memory, and took a moment to collect his thoughts. 

_ Hello, Zuko here.  _

_ I must confess, I’m prouder of your accomplishments than I am of my own. I know that we have both made monumental progress, but your reparations of the South Pole are truly amazing, and in such a short period of time too. If you need anything, anything at all, inform me of it as soon as you wish. The resources of the Fire Nation are at your disposal- it is only right after our century of destruction, for us to aid in the process of rebuilding what we ruined in the world.  _

Zuko hesitated for a moment. He didn’t want to make it sound as though he were begging Sokka to come back, even though that was exactly what his brain was telling him to do. He wanted, no  _ needed _ Sokka above all else to be back with him, but he couldn’t do that. He knew that his friend would come back the moment he expressed a desire for it, but he couldn’t burden him like that. 

_ Oh and don’t think I don’t know about your little  _ crush _. A water tribe peasant, really? I thought even you had better taste than that. _

Dream Azula’s words rung in his head. There was once a time where he would have agreed with her, agreed that Sokka was simply a water tribe savage, one who didn’t deserve to so much as look a Fire Nation noble in the eye. But those days were over, he was friends with Sokka and Katara, he has grown and learned; learned about their culture, learned about them. They were more deserving of the world than he let himself believe at first- more deserving than he could ever hope to be. 

_ Azula always lies.  _

Zuko finished up his letter, wishing well towards Chief Hakoda and congratulating Sokka on everything he had done. 

_ Again, let me know if there is anything I can do for you.  _ _ I would give you the world- all you have to do is ask.  _

_ Your loyal jerkbender, _

_ Zuko _

He sighed and pushed the letter away. He still had hours before he had to get to work for the day, and he had no idea how to spend it. 

  
  
  


The next few weeks passed by in a blur, as Zuko got ready for Mai’s voyage to Kyoshi Island. The dread in his stomach grew as he realised he was about to lose his closest companion that wasn’t a  _ fucking turtleduck.  _

But when the time to bid her farewell came, Zuko couldn’t find it in himself to grieve. Mai rarely shared her emotions, so you had to know how to read her miniscule facial expressions. Zuko liked to consider himself an expert in it, so seeing the pure joy radiating in her eyes, he knew he couldn’t keep her in the Fire Nation forever. 

“Take care of yourself Mai. And let me know if there’s anything,  _ anything  _ you need. I’ll personally give you whatever you need.”

Mai smirked slightly. 

“Sounds like you might just be asking for a vacation.”

The grin Zuko gave was strained, and he could only pray that Mai didn’t pick up on it. Thankfully, if she did, she didn’t say anything. 

Their embrace was tight and lasted longer than seemed necessary, but Zuko knew that it was the contact he would be getting for a while. 

When they let go, Mai gave him a wave and set off. He wrapped his arms around himself, already missing the weight of her hug. 

Zuko had learned to fear touch growing up. Touch was a bad thing; it meant either his father or his sister was about to hurt him. Some sort of blow- occasionally mixed with fire- led him to understand that physical contact was not meant to be a good thing. It only got worse after his mother left. Mother had been the softness in his life; never raising a hand to him, only ever offering gentle hugs. After her disappearance, the physical abuse only increased. Zuko had the desire for contact literally beaten out of him, and it took him years to gain it back. After he joined Aang and everyone else, he had to learn to accept their contact. The casual touching, the hugs, Toph clutching to his arm- it was very new to him, this kind of affection, given so freely. He had never experienced anything of the like. With his mother, there was the affection, but it was never as frequent as his friends were. It felt like someone was always grabbing onto him for something. By the time Zuko began to long for physical affection, it had once again been taken from him, scattering his friends across the world. 

Sometimes Zuko wrapped himself in his own flames to simulate what he longed for. 

Zuko was lost in thought to the point that he didn’t notice Kibo trying to get his attention until she was quite literally poking at him and waving her hand in front of his face. 

“Yes?”

“Not to disturb you, my lord, but you have a meeting regarding the withdrawal of troops from the Earth Kingdom in a few minutes. We need to start on our way back to the palace.”

Zuko sighed. “Very well, let us go.”

Walking next to Kibo, Zuko started making his way to the centre of the city, to the palace. He felt himself on edge, for reasons he couldn’t identify. He snuck a glance at Kibo, her face as impassive as ever. 

Zuko had tried to get to know everyone in his staff, but Kibo was the most difficult to understand. All he had gotten out of her was that she was from the colonies, and that her older brother Yakeru had died as a part of the 41st division. The thought of being only one link away from someone who died in the division he gave everything to protect, that horrified him. Zuko would never forgive himself for being unable to save the young men in that unit, and he was worried that Kibo would hate him for not saving her brother’s life. However, she betrayed no emotion towards him at all. There was no love in her gaze, but no hatred either. 

At least that much was good. 

They arrived back at the palace, and two other guards took Kibo’s place at his side. They escorted him to one of the many meeting rooms in the palace. 

Once at the door, Zuko took a deep breath and pushed it open. It revealed all of the generals, ambassadors, and councilmen, already seated. He made his way to the head of the table, and let the meeting commence. 

The topic of discussion was the nation’s relationship with the Earth Kingdom, and what would need to occur to mend it. All Fire Nation soldiers had already been withdrawn. That decision had caused an uproar among the older generals, who were now arguing with Zuko over his decision. 

Generals A-wut and Taigen were the most vocal about their criticisms towards the young Fire Lord. 

“It is a disgrace!” cried Taigen, “you cannot expect me to simply stand by as you ruin the economy of our nation.”

“General Taigen,” Zuko was already getting a headache from this meeting, “I understand that the war was the biggest financial security for the Fire Nation. However, we are in times of peace now, whether you like it or not. If you want to restart the war, then go speak with Avatar Aang about it. But I assure you, he would not appreciate the thought.”

Taigen turned red- whether it was from anger or embarrassment, Zuko didn’t know- but did not argue further. Though they may have been aggressive and power hungry, no one in the room wished to anger the Avatar. 

“Well what are we supposed to do now? You’ve taken away our main source of income, and now you’re freely giving away resources.”

That was the voice of A-wut. Zuko turned in his direction next. 

“General A-wut, those materials are not Fire Nation in the first place. This nation has pillaged the others, and stolen their goods. It is only fair that we give back what we took. Should any nation request something of us, it is our responsibility to give it.”

A-wut scoffed and muttered something under his breath. Zuko battled with himself for a second, before ultimately taking the bait. 

“I’m sorry General, what was that?”

A-wut glared at him and then repeated, louder this time. 

“I said that it was a damn shame your father didn’t finish the job.”

Zuko froze for a moment. Though it had been weeks since that specific nightmare, Dream Azula’s words came back to him. 

_ Father should have killed you, it would have done us all a favour. Luckily I’m here to remedy that. _

“General A-wut,” he began, trying to contain the shake of his voice, “do you support former Fire Lord Ozai? The man currently rotting in a jail cell, his bending taken by the Avatar?”

A-wut seemed to realise he had backed himself into a corner, but his gaze was confident as he spoke. 

“And if I do?”

“Well I’m afraid I’d have to ask you to leave your position as General,” Zuko replied coldly. “Of course,” he continued, “I could have you forcibly removed if you decide not to comply. I will not have traitors to the Fire Nation on my council, or in any positions of power.”

It was at that moment that Taigen came to back up A-wut. 

“If anyone in this room is a traitor to the Fire Nation, it would be  _ you _ Prince Zuko!”

Zuko turned his glare on Taigen, eyes cold and bright with fury. 

“I am no longer a prince, General Taigen, so you will address me by my proper title, as I do to you. And I am no traitor to this nation. The only traitor in my family is Ozai.”

“And what about your mother?” came A-wut from his other side. 

Red hot anger coursed through Zuko’s veins. He slowly walked around the table, the only sound in the deathly quiet room being the click of his boots. He stopped mere inches away from A-wut, and grabbed him by the collar. 

“You are  _ not _ to speak of or slander my mother, General A-wut. She is no traitor to the Fire Nation, she was a prisoner of it. My mother did all that she could, and I expect you to honour her as much as you do me. Am I understood?”

A-wut gave a terse nod and Zuko released him. It was only after he let go, that Zuko realised he had grabbed someone in the manner that was horrifyingly reminiscent of Ozai. Images of former beatings and Dream Azula’s hand in his hair flashed through his mind. He turned from A-wut and headed back to the head of the table, desperately trying to get the memories out of his head. He couldn’t afford to let those get to him. 

He sighed and turned to an Earth Kingdom ambassador. 

“Ambassador Ting Zhe, what can we do for the Earth Kingdom?”

Ting Zhe, a stern but ultimately gentle man, nodded in acknowledgement towards Zuko. Despite the strained relationship between the Fire Nation and the other two nations of the world, Ting Zhe never criticised Zuko for his ancestral cruelty. Zuko had given a full apology, one that was deemed “inappropriate” for his position, but was still necessary by Zuko’s standards. He didn’t give a damn if it were untraditional or scandalous for the Fire Lord to bow to an ambassador, he needed to express his sorrow and regret for those mistreated by his father, his grandfather, great-grandfather, sister-  _ everyone _ in his family. Ting Zhe had simply given a kind smile and told him that he had no need to apologise for the sins of his nation; as long as Zuko showed he was truly there to change the Fire Nation, that would be enough. 

“Thank you Fire Lord Zuko. I thank you for the withdrawal of your troops from our cities, but we need more than that. I can work the details out with you personally, but we request aid in the reparations process. The control and influence of the Fire Nation has already been removed from Ba Sing Se, but the city itself still needs repairs.”

“Well what do you possibly think we could do about that?”

Zuko was going to hurl himself off the walls of Ba Sing Se if this continued. He rubbed his temples and met Taigen’s scowl. 

“ _ Please _ General Taigen, we are here to discuss civilly. I can only request that you stop interrupting.”

The general scoffed, clearly refusing to lay off the attack. 

“Why should we give them aid? The Fire Nation needs help too, we can’t be worrying about the other nations right now. Where should we go next- the  _ Air Nomads _ ?” He finished with a sneer. Zuko felt the overwhelming urge to slam either himself or Taigen into a wall. Maybe he could just set the room on fire and put an end to everyone’s misery. 

Before Zuko could do anything, one of the other Earth Kingdom ambassadors slammed her hands on the table and jumped to her feet, glaring at Taigen. 

“It’s your damn fault!” shouted Ambassador Lian. “If it weren’t for the Fire Nation, we wouldn’t need repairs in the first place! This nation has damaged every other in the world- you’re making jokes about the Air Nomads but  _ you’re the ones who killed them _ .”

The room exploded into shouting as a very clear divide became visible. Zuko noted that the older generals, who very clearly still supported his father, were arguing with anyone not Fire Nation. He put his head in his hands and tried to focus on any of the arguments. 

“I will  _ not _ be lectured by some old cod who thinks that the Fire Nation is guiltless!”

“All the Earth Nation ever did was pretend that the war never happened- you  _ deserved  _ what you got.”

“The Air Nomads are gone, an entire nation murdered because of you.”

“You’re not the only people in the world!”

“Stop acting like you know what you’re talking about.”

“At least we didn’t put a  _ child  _ in charge.”

The last comment put Zuko over the edge. It’s not like he  _ wanted _ to be here; he didn’t want to handle the entire nation. He was never trained to be Fire Lord, he never assumed it would ever go to him. 

Zuko shot to his feet and an abrupt silence fell over the room. The flames lighting all the sconces danced dangerously high as he struggled to contain his emotions. 

“Enough! That’s enough!” He tried to contain his voice, but was clearly unsuccessful. “I will not tolerate these actions here. In this meeting room, you must act like the full grown adults I’m beginning to doubt that you are. General Taigen, General A-wut- the Fire Nation is at fault for the mess of the world right now. We are going to help the Earth Kingdom  _ whether you like it or not _ .”

“You’re clearly inept!”

Which one even was that? Their voices had blended together at this point. 

“Tell me generals, how were your childhoods?”

The entire room seemed to collectively hold its breath; no one was sure where this was going. 

Taigen answered first. 

“It was standard. My father was strict with me and my mother was soft.”

“My mother died when I was young, but my grandmother helped raise me,” said A-wut. 

Zuko nodded and started to circle around the table. 

“I see. So you both agree that you had love?” Both men nodded. “I see. And so you were raised with love. Now, both of you had fathers who were greatly involved with the nation.” It clearly wasn’t a question, but they nodded again anyways. “So you were the type to attend events that were open to those individuals. Events such as, perhaps an Agni Kai?”

Everyone knew what the bait was. But still, A-wut raised his chin, and Taigen puffed out his chest. 

“Yes I was there.”

“And I.”

Zuko smiled but it was completely devoid of any warmth or happiness. 

“So how is it, that you were raised with love- raised by people who may have been strict, but ultimately cared about you, and you watched an adult maim and nearly murder a child? Were you forced to go? No? You weren’t? Then why did you?”

“Because you were disrespectful to the Fire Lord!”

“You were a weak child who spoke out of turn!”

Zuko stopped walking and stood across the table from them. He slammed his hands down. 

“I was a  _ child _ ! Did  _ your _ father ever publicly abuse you, permanently disable you?  _ It was cruel and it was wrong.  _ I will ask you once again, do you support former Fire Lord Ozai?”

All the air was sucked out of the room as a response was awaited. Slowly both men’s faces turned to sneers and scowls. 

“Yes.”

“He was a better ruler than you will ever be.”

“I see,” began Zuko, “well in that case, I would like to formally strip you of your titles, and request that you leave this council. You are no longer needed.”

Both men looked outraged but Zuko held up his hand to silence them. 

“The guards will escort you out in a moment, but before they do- know that Ozai was no great lord. You believe that he did glorious things for this nation, that he conquered the unconquerable. Ozai had no part in the surrender of Omashu, nor the fall of Ba Sing Se. Those were led by  _ a 14 year old girl _ . Ozai was the shortest reigning Fire Lord in all of our history, and he did nothing but harm. Now,” he turned away, “that is all. You may go.”

The two men were shouting again but Zuko tuned them out as they were dragged from the room. He sighed as he turned to go back to his seat. As soon as he sat down, Ting Zhe spoke gently. 

“Fire Lord Zuko, perhaps it is best if we simply speak with you privately on these matters, and adjourn today’s meeting.”

Zuko looked at him with all the gratitude in the world. His eyes begging Ting Zhe to see how much he appreciated it. 

“Yes I believe that would be best, Ambassador. You all are dismissed.”

There was a general murmur among everyone as they got up to leave. All Zuko wanted to do was sleep, but he knew that he couldn’t. He missed Mai already- missed her so much that it  _ hurt.  _ It hurt knowing that she was going to meet Ty Lee, going to be with the Kyoshi Warriors, going to meet Suki. 

_ Suki.  _

Zuko loved Suki, he really did. She was an integral part of the Gaang, and a loyal friend. 

However. 

Whenever she and Sokka were together, it wrenched his heart in the most painful way. He wanted to cry, wanted to scream at Sokka that it  _ wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair that he had to feel this way.  _

Zuko just wanted to feel normal, wanted to be able to settle down with a nice Fire Nation girl and provide an example of a healthy relationship for his people. But he just couldn’t, he didn’t want to marry a woman only to never be able to touch her. He couldn’t do that to someone. Zuko knew what love felt like, and he knew what it felt like to be devoid of love. 

But even if Sokka felt the same way, the world would never accept it. The Fire Lord couldn’t be with a man, especially one from the Southern Water Tribe. 

It wasn’t okay. 

Zuko rubbed his hands over his face. No it  _ was  _ okay, just not for him. He wanted to repeal the laws against homosexuality because they were stupid and outdated but not for himself. Did that even make sense?

He groaned- it seemed that there were some things he always had to repeat. 

_ Azula always lies.  _

_ It was cruel and it was wrong.  _

_ It’s okay, but not for me.  _

The room was empty but Zuko still felt the overwhelming urge to fight a volcano, and lose- must be some sort of familial instinct. Maybe Aang could ask Roku to give him some tips. He winced at the thought of his however-many-greats grandfather reacting to him asking how to fight a volcano. 

Suddenly, a voice broke him out of his musings. Whatever it said was indiscernible to him, but he knew he had to have heard something. 

“Hello?” He called out to the empty room. One of the guards positioned by the open door looked at him a little strangely. Zuko shook his head and stood from his seat, turning to leave the room. As soon as he did, Kibo materialised by his side. 

“Fire Lord Zuko,” she began, “there is a letter waiting for you from Avatar Aang.”

With that, she handed him said letter, and Zuko ducked into a corner to read it. 

_ Fire Lord Hotman! _

_ How’ve you been?? I know I haven’t sent that many letters and I’m really sorry about that, but this one’s important!  _

_ The anniversary of the end of the war is coming up in a few weeks, and Katara and I were thinking of a Team Avatar reunion. We can all come up and stay in the Fire Nation and celebrate! Of course, it’s all up to you how we handle it but I think it'll be great to have all of us together again! Me, you, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Suki, and your uncle!  _

_ How about it Sifu Hotman? _

_ Aang _

Zuko smiled slightly as he read the letter. He was happy to hear that he would be able to have a reunion with everyone. But it was also nerve wracking to be reminded that he hadn’t even been in power for a full year. There were still three more weeks before the anniversary of his coronation, and Zuko already had one assassination attempt to show for it. He wasn’t really surprised, but it was still worrying to know that his own people wanted him dead only eleven months into his reign. 

Eleven months. 

Zuko cursed and fumbled a little bit as he started walking, gaining a strange look from Kibo as she followed. 

“Fire Lord Zuko?”

“Ah! I- er, yes?”

She only blinked at him in confusion as they kept up their quick pace. 

“Where is it you’re going?”

“Azula,” Zuko replied, letting his feet guide him. “It’s time to visit her.”

He could’ve sworn he heard Kibo scoff next to him, but she was on his left, so he couldn’t be sure. 

“Do you intend to walk across the city to her with just me beside you?”

Now  _ that  _ made Zuko pause. 

“Oh,” he began, “um, I was- uh, yeah I kinda was?”

Kibo frowned disapprovingly. “You will need to wait until we can gather a proper accompaniment.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zuko sighed. “I know. I’ll just- just wait in my study until then, I guess.”

Kibo seemed satisfied with that response and they changed course to walk back to Zuko’s study. He wasn’t sure why he let himself be so quickly changed but Kibo’s comment. Surely the two of them would be able to fend off any threat?

_ Maybe it’s because Kibo makes him so uneasy.  _

No, Kibo is his loyal head of guards; Zuko was just paranoid. 

When they arrived at the door, he gave a nod to Kibo before walking into the room and closing the door. As soon as he did, he slumped to the floor and put his head in his hands. That meeting had exhausted any coherent thought he had left and Zuko already wanted the day to be over. 

“Zuko.”

He snapped his head up, startled by the voice. It sounded familiar, but it was buried so far in his memories that he couldn’t identify it. 

“H-hello? Who’s there?” He croaked out. Great, very dignified Fire Lord Zuko. 

He warily stood and looked around the room. There was very obviously no one in it, but  _ someone _ had to have spoken. 

Zuko’s eyes landed on the mirror in the corner of the study. He found himself drawn to it, and involuntarily found himself walking in that direction, stopping right in front of the mirror. He had to refrain from gasping when he looked into it. 

“Lu Ten?” He whispered, too shocked to know if it were true. 

Instead of his own thin, pale face, marred by an angry scar, the smooth and chiselled one of his elder cousin stared back at him. Zuko was almost surprised that he even recognised the man- it had been so long since he’d seen his cousin, lost to the war. 

“Yes Zuko, it is I.”

Zuko had to be losing it, he had to have already gone batshit. His cousin was  _ dead _ and had been for five-  _ six _ years? There’s no way he could be talking with Zuko right now, and through a mirror of all things. 

If Zuko had been thinking it all through, he would have immediately noticed the erratic speech patterns, how what he perceived as his cousin’s voice, did not speak like he remembered him. But Zuko wasn’t. He was overcome with waves of remembrance, and with that remembrance came grief and sorrow. It felt like he was reliving his cousin’s death all over again. 

“Am I losing it? Have I just… officially gone insane?”

There was a cold laugh that felt like it came from everywhere at once. It bounced around his head as he felt a hand land on his left shoulder. He hadn’t even heard it coming, and whipped around to see his cousin standing there, a malicious grin on his face. 

“Perhaps you have, perhaps you haven’t, little cousin. One might say you’re  _ slipping. _ ”

Zuko’s eyes widened as the implication hit him. 

“No! I’m not, I’m fine. I am not her, and you are not real. This is just some sort of- of dream!”

Lu Ten shrugged and turned around, inspecting the bookshelf. 

“Whatever you say Zuko,” he grabbed and flipped through a book, “but I must say, congratulations on ending the war. Quite the achievement!”

Zuko felt faint. Where was this going? It certainly couldn’t be anywhere good. 

“Thanks?”

Lu Ten chuckled. “No need to sound so confused, little cousin! Now, you can lead the Fire Nation to peace,” he put the book back and turned to Zuko, “though I must say, what a shame you only managed to do that now.”

Zuko tensed. “What do you mean?”

“Well, if only you had  _ won  _ the war before I died!”

Lu Ten laughed but Zuko felt like he had just been thrown into the waters of the North Pole. Lu Ten was either oblivious to this, or simply didn’t care, as he continued talking. 

“I mean, really Zuko? Such a shame that you did it now. After all, what did I die for? I died for us to win the war, and we didn’t. We could’ve, but you,” he jabbed a finger at Zuko, “well, you just had to concede, didn’t you? The Fire Nation lost, and now you’re Fire Lord. You know, you were never meant to be. Fourth in line…”

He began to walk towards him, but Zuko only backed up. He tripped over his own robes and fell to the ground. He looked up at Lu Ten, but saw his father’s face instead of his cousin’s. Ozai’s expression turned to a sneer as he grabbed the front of Zuko’s robes and tugged him closer. 

“Fourth in line and yet you still managed to get the throne and fuck up the Fire Nation in less than a year. You were lucky to be born and lucky to survive, but it’s doubtless that you will fail. It’s sealed into who you are. Just you wait, you will pay for your actions dishonouring this nation.”

Zuko brought his hands to cover his ears and silently begged to be alone in the room. 

_ It was cruel and it was wrong.  _

_ It was cruel and it was wrong.  _

_ It was cruel and it was wrong.  _

“It was cruel and it was  _ wrong _ !” he shouted to the now empty room. Zuko frantically turned his head, scanning every part of the room to see if he was alone. He sighed in relief when he realised he was, but tensed again at a knock on the door a moment later. 

“Fire Lord Zuko,” greeted Kibo as she opened the door, “we are ready to depart.”

Zuko picked himself up from the floor and dusted himself off, hoping he didn’t  _ look _ as shaken as he felt. 

“Thank you Kibo. Lead the way?”

She nodded, and they started walking. Zuko was grateful the entire way that neither she, nor any of the other guards, commented on how on edge he was. 

They reached the facility housing Azula soon enough, and Zuko was granted access inside. Whenever he came, he never liked to have too many guards around him, in case it stressed any patient out. The other guards who had escorted him remained in other parts of the building, whilst Kibo stood by him on his way to Azula’s room. She stood on his left, which made him a little uneasy, but he was ultimately focused on what he would say to Azula. 

They reached her room and Zuko prepared himself before going in. He nodded to the guards stationed outside and gently pushed his way in. 

Azula sat on her bed, slowly brushing her hair. She hardly acknowledged Zuko’s presence as the door opened, and only looked up at him once he took his seat in the chair next to the bed. 

“Hello Azula.”

She rolled her eyes and looked away as she resumed the motions of bringing the brush through her hair. Zuko sighed. 

“Your hair looks nice. I never realised how long it was before, since you always had it up. But it’s nice, it reminds me of-“

Zuko abruptly cut himself off and sheepishly looked away. Azula glared at him. 

“What, does it look like Mother? Is that what you were going to say? I don’t need you comparing me to  _ her _ of all people, Zuzu.”

“Right, uh, sorry.”

Azula made a vague sound of acknowledgment and turned away again. The siblings sat in silence for a few moments before Zuko spoke up again. 

“I know it’s a- a delicate subject, but I have a question to ask.”

Azula raised an eyebrow, but didn’t flat out reject him, so Zuko took it as a sign to continue. 

“I was wondering… with all of this, y’know,” he waved a hand, signaling towards her and the room, “did you ever, um- did you ever, well, you know-“

“Spit it out Zuzu, there’s only so much of your presence I can take in one day.”

“Sorry,” he looked away again, “did you ever- well, did you ever see people?”

Azula looked unimpressed. “Of course I saw people, I’m seeing you right now. I’ve been seeing you, I saw Father, I saw the Avatar, I saw your friends. I’m not that little girl you hang around, I’m not blind.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

She scoffed. “Then what  _ did _ you mean?”

Zuko was at a loss for words. “I- I just meant- I mean, did you ever see people?” Zuko finished completely unsure of what he was even asking. At this point Azula just looked agitated. 

“What are you talking about Zuko? I mean it, you’ve lost it.”

Zuko jumped to his feet. “I have not lost it! I haven’t! Just because- because I’m  _ seeing  _ things doesn’t mean I’ve lost it! I’m not you Azula! I’m all here, I’m completely sane! Just because I- I saw Lu Ten today does not mean I’m not okay, okay?”

Zuko hadn’t even realised he was shouting until he stopped, chest heaving. He looked at his sister, whose expression was unreadable as always. 

“You know Zuzu,” his sister began slowly, as though she were approaching a wild animal, “I saw Mother. She spoke to me, and I believe that’s the first sign of madness, if you start speaking to the dead.”

Zuko sank back into his chair. “Mother isn’t even dead,” he said weakly. 

“Oh well,” Azula waved her hand in his direction, “even better for me I suppose. That means it’s you who’s been speaking to someone truly dead! Oh perhaps you belong in here instead,” she finished, her lips curling into a smile. 

“You’re lying,” he mumbled, “you  _ always  _ lie.”

Azula looked mildly startled at that, before her face slipped back into its mask. 

“Well that phrase certainly seems worn in. Tell me, did you repeat that over and over again in your exile? Did you lay down as you slept and repeat that? It’s a little pathetic Zuzu.”

Zuko scowled. “What were you watching me in the Earth Kingdom or something?”

Azula raised her eyebrows. “What, you mean you actually did that? Now brother, why would you ever think that I lie?”

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you never tell the truth Azula. You’ve woven yourself so deep into a web of lies that you’ve sealed yourself in, and others out. I know you don’t want to  _ let  _ me in, but I don’t think you even can at this point. You’ve built your personality around hiding yourself from the world.  _ You always lie _ .”

Azula narrowed her eyes as she looked at Zuko, calculating as per usual. 

“Impressive speech there Zuzu. Who taught you to speak like that? Was it one of those water tribe peasants?”

Zuko sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat. “Leave Sokka out of this, Azula.” She only smiled in response, though it was far from friendly. Moreso reminiscent of a predator rounding in on its prey. 

“Oh well I didn’t say any names did I? Poor little Zuzu, have you got a crush? Though, I must say, I honestly thought it would be the girl. I never took you for the type,” she gave a short cackle, “what will Father think?”

“I don’t take orders from him anymore!” Zuko was on his feet again. “I don’t take orders from anyone, and I don’t need you trying to make me afraid!”

“Oh  _ really _ ?” Azula was on her feet too. “From the little I’ve heard, since you’ve locked me away here, it seems that you let anyone who isn’t Fire Nation boss you around! You go around, giving anyone whatever they want, and save nothing for us! But then again, what would I know, since you clearly think I’m fucking crazy! You won’t let me leave, but I don’t need whatever good samaritan work you think you're doing here!”

“I just want you to get better Azula! Think about it, have you ever once been  _ happy  _ in your life? I’m just trying to get you to realise that not everything in your life has to be perfect, and you don’t have to do everything alone. Don’t you want to be able to go out and reconnect with your friends? Azula what we went through as children was abuse. That’s not normal, no matter how badly you want to pretend it was. It was cruel, and it was wrong.”

“Well maybe if you had been better, it wouldn’t have happened to you-“

“Azula don’t try to justify what Ozai did,” Zuko interrupted. “You were also a victim. Look at you now, he did this. He instilled these values in you, pitted us against each other! He’s just so- ugh!” Zuko tugged his hands through his hair in frustration. He hated thinking about his father, it always made him upset, no matter what. 

Azula moved to say something again, to start another argument, but before she could, Zuko accidentally slapped his hairpiece. The hairpiece, that signified his very role as Fire Lord, went skittering to the ground as it was knocked from his hair. Both siblings watched as it seemed to fall in slow motion. Zuko moved to pick it up but as he did, his finger caught a sharp edge and he hissed as it made a clean cut across. 

Zuko stood up and moved to leave, but as he faced the door, he quietly said, “I just want you to get better. I miss you.”

Before he could walk out the door, Azula grabbed onto his wrist, gentler than he even knew possible from her. 

“Zuzu, you’re going to spiral. I was alone, but you don’t need to be. Tell someone, I know you have friends. Just don’t let yourself lose it.”

With that, she turned her back to him. She sat down on the bed and picked up the discarded hairbrush from earlier. Zuko knew a dismissal when he saw one, and pushed the door open. 

As per usual, Kibo was once again at his side. 

“Was it a good visit, Fire Lord Zuko?”

“Hm? Oh yes, yes it went alright.”

Kibo seemed satisfied with that answer. They gathered the other guards they had left with, and left to make their way back to the palace. 

  
  
  
  
  


Two weeks had passed since his visit with Azula, and the palace had hectic since then. All the staff were getting ready for the upcoming celebration of both his coronation and the end of the war and Zuko was excited to finally have a valid reason to reunite his friends. He had nearly pushed what Azula had told him away. 

Just about. 

Every night he was plagued with nightmares and visions that included everything from his own memories and traumatic experiences, to Lu Ten taunting him, to even his grandfather, circling him, telling Zuko how he was supposed to be the one to die. 

Zuko sat on the edge of his bed one night, with his head in his hands. The nightmare had been terribly run-of-the-mill, compared to the others he had had, but Zuko felt as though he were reaching his breaking point. Nothing felt real to him anymore-

If he had been paying attention, Zuko would’ve been able to make out the quiet footsteps approaching from his left, would’ve been able to tell what was about to happen. 

However, he managed to make out the sound of a blade being drawn, and Zuko sprang to his feet. 

_ Oh great, another assassin. I was wondering when I’d have the second.  _

The assassin lunged forward and Zuko ducked to the side, dashing to the other end of the room to grab his dao. He whipped around and quickly countered their strike, knocking them backwards a few feet, the mask upon their face concealing any expression that Zuko would be able to read. They ran back at him, slashing downwards, as Zuko countered with an upwards strike. His biggest plan right now was trying to get them disarmed, before they killed him. 

His opportunity came a few moments later, after a particularly clumsy attack. Zuko trapped their blade in between both of his and twisted, effectively yanking the sword from their hands, advancing to try and subdue his attacker. 

What he was  _ not  _ expecting, however, was for his assailant to pull out a waterskin. Zuko had trained enough with Katara to realise what this meant. 

It still didn’t mean he was prepared when the assassin sent a water whip towards him. 

_ Well fuck.  _

_ This complicates things.  _

The next stream of water that was sent at him, Zuko countered with a blast of fire. The result was clouds of steam filling the room, which he hoped would incopacitate his attacker as much as it did him. 

It seemed to, as soon they were ripping off their mask, presumably to see better. They made eye contact with him, and Zuko felt himself gasp, eyes widening, as he was frozen in place. They used this moment of weakness to send chunks of ice at him, pinning him to the wall. 

Zuko coughed as the force of slamming into the wall knocked all the remaining air in his lungs out. His attacker slowly advanced on him and Zuko could only ask one question-

“Kibo? W-why?”

His (former?) head of guards gave a malicious smile and approached from the right. 

“Well you know  _ Fire Lord _ , let me tell you a story. Now settle down,” she looked at him, stuck to the wall by various shards of ice and laughed, “well I suppose you won’t be going anywhere. But, let me tell you a little bit about myself. My father Hiji is Fire Nation, he was born and raised here. However, my mother Amka, is from the North. They had a forbidden love, and they figured it would be easier to hide a Water Tribe woman in the colonies, than a Fire Nation man in the North. So they settled here, and had Yakeru. You know about Yakeru. The man who you killed.” She jabbed a finger in Zuko’s direction, at his chest. 

“I did the best that I could for them-“

“Shut up! Your best wasn’t good enough!” She hurled another chunk of ice at him, this one aimed directly at the blind side of his face. Zuko tried to hide the sharp intake of breath as he felt both coldness and warmth on the side of his face. He had no idea where the icicle landed, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Kibo only let out a pained laugh. 

“Your best wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t! At the end of the day, my brother is still dead. And the North? You killed Princess Yue, Zuko. Don’t even try to deny it.”

Zuko, like the impulsive idiot everyone accused him of being, already had the denial ready. “Kibo please, just listen to me.”

Her eyes were murderous, but she crossed her arms and motioned for him to speak. “Fine, let’s hear it then.”

Zuko silently sighed in relief. “For the 41st, I did what I could- you need to remember I was a child. I tried, I really did. The best I could do was speak out against it. And I did! You have to know that much at least,” at her nod he continued, “there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret my inability to save them. The scar is a constant reminder that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn't good enough for my father, and I wasn’t good enough to save the 41st. If I could go back, I would do anything to save them. But I know I can’t, so I try to honour their memory. I’m sorry about your brother, I’m sure that Yakeru was a joy to have around, and I’m sorry I couldn’t ever meet him. And as for Princess Yue, I- I admit that while I didn’t kill her, I certainly didn’t help her. I never liked Zhao, I need you to know that it was directly his fault. But I enabled it, I allowed it to happen. From the little I knew of Princess Yue, I know that she was the kindest, gentlest woman to grace the four nations. You have my deepest apologies that I couldn’t do better for her,” Zuko bowed his head at the end, since he couldn’t move any other part of his body. 

“I- I- I don’t- I-“ Kibo let out a sob. She pulled at her hair and screamed. “It’s not fair! You don’t get to be human, you aren’t allowed to be like this! My brother is dead, my brother was killed. And- and- and you were supposed to be the person I could blame but I can’t!” She threw a second icicle at Zuko’s face, and he flinched as it landed right below the first. 

Zuko felt his hands spark, as it occurred to him that he could melt the ice keeping them in place. He lit the flame and melted himself out. Kibo was still sobbing, and it reminded him enough of Azula that his heart broke a little. Despite it probably being the worst idea he’d had all night, Zuko dropped to her side. Unsure of whether or not she wanted comfort, he just let his presence be there. 

“Kibo, I-“

She turned her head up, her eyes red rimmed, and glared at him. “Don’t,” she snapped. “Just don’t. Don’t try to negotiate something with me.”

Zuko backed away to give her space. “Kibo, I just want to know why you’re doing this.”

“I told you! It’s your fault my brother’s dead, that the whole division is dead, that Princess Yue is dead!”

“And will killing me right these wrongs?” he asked sadly. 

“Well it’s the best thing I’ve got.”

She lashed out again, knocking both of them to the ground. Zuko felt his head slam to the floor, leaving his remaining vision swimming and disorienting him. He vaguely registered Kibo’s face looming over him, her voice fading in and out. 

“This is what has to happen. It is! It is and you can’t convince me otherwise!”

She had something in her hand, but Zuko couldn’t even bother to identify it. He reached out to try and grab her wrist, but only succeeded in having her drop the object, another spike of ice it seemed, onto his left eye, surely leaving a bruise of some sort. It slid down his face, and either irritated the earlier gashes along his scar, or caused another, or maybe even both. 

“Kibo,” he wheezed, “just think for one second,  _ please _ . If I die, who’s Fire Lord then? Is it Azula? Do you want  _ Azula _ to take over?” Logistically, they both knew it would be Iroh. However, Zuko was holding out hope on the fact that Kibo was acting anything but logically. 

“No! N-no she can’t! But- but- but I can’t- I-“

Any water that she had been bending suddenly dropped. Unfortunately, most of it landed directly on Zuko, filling his lungs as he coughed and sputtered. Kibo had curled in on herself as (finally!) a wave of guards flooded the room. Zuko barely registered them dragging away a still sobbing waterbender, as a different guard rushed over to him. 

“Fire Lord Zuko!” called the guard- Ming? Perhaps that was her name, Zuko was too disoriented to really understand who it was. “Sir, what happened?”

“K-Kibo- waterbender- tried to… kill- assassination…” Zuko managed to choke out that much before he felt faint. He had managed to prop himself up on his elbows during the scuffle, but couldn’t stop himself from slamming back down as he suddenly felt himself lose consciousness. He could only hear Ming (?) gasp before calling for a healer. 

  
  
  
  
  


When Zuko awoke, an indeterminable amount of time later, he was somewhere definitively softer than where he had been last. Some bed, somewhere. He opened his eyes- well…  _ eye _ \- since there was some sort of soft pressure against the left side of his face. It didn’t hurt, it was more of a light ache, but Zuko was suddenly reminded of the last time there had been something against his left eye. 

Zuko gasped and brought a hand up to his face, feeling the unmistakable texture of cotton and gauze. He began to panic, because no no  _ no _ . This couldn’t have just been some fantasy. He hadn’t imagined an entire four years- that couldn’t be. Zuko was 17 and he had a nation to run. Right?

Sudden footsteps by his bedside alerted him to a new presence, one that he was half expecting to be Uncle, telling him news of his banishment. 

However, instead it was a young woman and oh- Zuko hadn’t even looked around the room yet. He was just in the infirmary. He wasn’t on his ship. Zuko was 17, and he was Fire Lord. 

“Oh Fire Lord Zuko, you’re awake!” the woman said, seemingly surprised. He recognised her, her name was Ai and she was the assistant to his main healer, Akira. “I was just coming to check on you- you’re awake a lot earlier than we expected.”

“How-“ the words were barely audible through a croak, and Ai passed him a cup of water. “How long have I been here?” 

She looked thoughtful. “Hm, probably about a day? Like I said, it really hasn’t been that long. You were out much longer after the lightning, and this is even quicker than the first attempt.” 

Zuko winced at the thought of any assassination attempts. The first had just been a rogue soldier, one who had stated they would die for Ozai, who had come at him with mediocre knifeplay, and only managed a slash across his forearm before getting disarmed. 

The second… 

Zuko was still in shock from the whole situation. 

Ai must’ve seen that she had triggered some sort of reaction, so she gave him an apologetic smile. 

“I’ll go grab Master Akira, they’ll be able to tell me better when we can release you- I know you’re going stir crazy,” she turned to leave, “oh and Fire Lord Zuko? No one yet knows outside of the palace yet, and we won’t let it slip unless you want us to.”

With that, she joyfully made her way out of the hospital ward, and Zuko was alone. He shifted so that he was sat up, and gingerly reached out to touch the bandages around his eye, trying to recall what they needed to be there for. 

Ah. 

Some of Kibo’s attacks must’ve really sliced his face, right by his scar, if he needed to have it bandaged again. Zuko grimaced- at least he didn’t need to shave his head this time. Well, hopefully. 

As Zuko waited for Ai to come back with Akira, he took a glance around the room. He had been in and out of the infirmary as a child, whether it be scrapes and cuts from play fights with Lu Ten, or more… serious injuries from his father, that would leave him battered and bruised for days on end. Needless to say, Zuko was well acquainted with this part of the palace. The more he looked around, the more memories came up. Him sitting on one of the beds, a nurse disinfecting a scrape, as Lu Ten apologised profusely. Him holding ice over his face as Ty Lee looked sheepish beside him, explaining that she accidentally kicked him when she was trying to show Azula a new trick. Him with his mother, even so gently wrapping a bandage around his palm, as he had slipped on the knife that his Uncle had sent. 

Him curled up on a bed, trying not to cry out as a nurse looked over his bruised ribs and skin littered with burn marks, the sources indistinguishable from one another. Only Zuko had known which came from Azula, and which came from Father. 

Zuko had no desire to delve into  _ those _ memories, and instead pre-occupied himself with thinking of better days- days where his cousin’s spirit  _ wasn’t  _ haunting him because he was still  _ alive _ . 

“Lu Ten, if you can hear me,” he mumbled, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

And he would’ve kept repeating it, but that exact moment had Ai walking back in, trailed by Akira. She no less than beamed at him, and ushered Akira over to his side. 

“Glad to see you awake, Fire Lord Zuko,” they greeted. “Do any injuries hurt presently?”

Zuko did a mental scan of his body. Other than a dull pulse coming from under his bandages, nothing felt too terrible. 

“Nothing terrible.”

“Glad to hear it, Fire Lord Zuko!” Ai exclaimed happily, from Akira’s side. 

“Then, probably against my better judgment, I’m going to let you go. But,” Akira pointed a stern finger at him, “you will let me know if anything changes. You’re the best Fire Lord we’ve had in 100 years Zuko, I hardly want you to go dying on us now.” They gave him a small smile, nodded to Ai, and turned the other direction. 

“Well! I guess all that’s left is to check your bandages. I’m just gonna see if we need to keep them on, okay?” At Zuko’s nod, she reached around and gently undid the dressings. Zuko sighed in minute relief as the cotton was removed from his eye. Ai leaned forward and made a small questioning noise. 

“Hm… so it’s not something that really  _ needs _ to be redressed, I know it won’t get infected, but maybe you’d prefer just in case? Here, let me go grab a mirror.” 

Ai turned away for a moment to go retrieve said mirror from a table in the back of the room. She approached from his right and handed it to him. 

It wasn’t… 

Great. 

The skin around his left eye was- obviously- still scarred, all red and gruesome; but the area around the scar was a myriad of different colours, ranging from red, to yellow, to blue, to purple. There was a straight cut, from where his eyebrow should be, to right above his deformed ear, and a few more jagged ones in that area. All in all, it was rather unsightly. 

“Wow,” he breathed, “people really do like fucking up the left side of my face, huh?” 

That startled a laugh out of Ai, who had been looking on concernedly, obviously waiting for the moment that Zuko burst out in some sort of emotion, likely anger. 

“But- I think I’ll just leave it uncovered. You said nothing’s in immediate risk of infection?” she nodded, “ alright, I’ll just leave it.”

Ai gave him another blinding smile. Then, she gained a sly look. 

“Say… you know it’s very close to the celebration of the end of the war. And I  _ heard _ \- just a little palace gossip- that Avatar Aang, and the rest of your friends may be visiting a little early!”

Zuko nearly toppled off the bed at that. Ai grabbed his arm to steady him and help him out of bed. 

“You mean- you mean h-they might be here soon?”

Ai gave him a wide grin. “Yup! And Fire Lord Zuko? I think he’s missed you just as much as you’ve missed him. But I certainly wouldn’t know anything about that,” she smirked. 

“This is why you’re my favourite,” he stage whispered to her, causing her to erupt in giggles. 

“I actually think they should be arriving today, so-o-o…” 

She grabbed his arm and started dragging him excitedly through the hallways. 

“Whoah, whoah, slow down Ai, is there really a big rush?”

All she did was give him a knowing smile, and Zuko just sighed and let her drag him along. 

They rushed past Akira, who only raised an eyebrow at their patient being dragged- by their apprentice no less- like a ragdoll. Ai only grinned sheepishly and slowed down a little. 

Soon enough they were rounding the corner to where Appa had left all those months ago. Before they turned that final bit, however, Ai stopped him. 

“General Iroh wanted to say that he’s going to be here in a few days time for the actual festival. But before we turn this corner, if you get injured, please tell Master Akira that it was your fault-“

“Are you planning on injuring me?”

“-No of course not!” Ai looked sad at the very idea. “You’re the best Fire Lord we’ve had in  _ so long _ . I would  _ never  _ hurt you, okay? It’s not me that you have to worry about, it’s, well- just go see for yourself.”

She turned him around and gave a small prod to his back. 

“Alright, I’m going, I’m going.”

He turned forwards and rounded the very final corner, stepping into the courtyard. Ai had said that everyone would be coming  _ soon _ , but surely soon couldn’t mean this soon? 

Right?

And her telling him that Uncle wasn’t going to be here for a few more days. Were his friends really here? Was he going to look up and see Appa, with all his friends dismounting, smiling up at him? Though he  _ knew  _ they had to be here, were they really? This was the most Zuko had thought anything over in his life. 

He was just hoping this wasn’t a dream and that he’d be able to hear his friends actually say-

“Zuko!!”

He was knocked flat on his back for the second time in two days, but this time it was because he had an armful of-

“Aang?”

The airbender grinned down at him, quickly flipping off and offering him a hand back up. He then steered Zuko into the centre of the group, where he was surrounded by the familiar feeling of Katara, Sokka, Toph, Suki, and of course Aang, all hugging him. He let himself relax. This was it- this was his family. 

Maybe it took seconds, maybe it took hours, but they eventually separated. Everyone was grinning at each other. Zuko didn’t notice until it was too late, but Appa had snuck up on him and gave a big lick to the back of his body and head. Zuko was thoroughly disgusted, but no one else seemed to share in his discomfort. In fact-

“You’re blind! You didn’t even see what happened!”

Toph cackled. “That doesn’t mean I don’t  _ know _ , Sparky. How’s that feel?”

Zuko grumbled something incoherent, which only caused everyone to laugh more, until Katara gasped. 

“Oh no! Did he eat your hairpiece?”

Zuko reached up to feel for a hairpiece that was indeed not there. He began to worry before realising that someone probably had it on them, and had taken it off after the last few nights. 

Right, last night. 

Oh well, he’ll tell them eventually. 

“No, no, he didn’t. Before Sokka tries to dive into Appa’s mouth again, I didn’t have it on before.”

Katara seemed to relax a little at that, but Aang just seemed confused. 

“Oh where is it then?”

At that moment Ming came bursting in. “Fire Lord Zuko,” she greeted, “forgive me, but I just realised that  _ someone _ ,” she was obviously talking about Ai, “didn’t give you your hairpiece back.” He accepted the aforementioned item with a nod, before pulling his hair back and pinning it up. 

“Oh! And Fire Lord Zuko,” she lowered her voice for the next part, “would it be wise to have Lady Katara be allowed to keep her waterskin?”

“Hey!” Katara objected. “First off, I’m right here, and second off, why would you take the waterskin?”

Zuko sighed and laid a hand on Ming’s shoulder. “Ming, I understand your concern. But I trust Katara with my life. I know she isn’t going to hurt me.”

“But Fire Lord Zuko, did you not also trust-“

“To be honest? I really didn’t. I honestly didn’t trust Kibo as much as I thought I did. I wasn’t expecting  _ that _ , but I can’t say I was surprised,” he sighed again, “Katara will keep her waterskin.”

Ming still looked doubtful, but couldn’t do much to oppose the Fire Lord. “Very well my Lord.” And with that she strode off in the opposite direction. 

“Okay I  _ have  _ to ask,” began Sokka, “what was that?”

Zuko groaned and fully faced all of his friends, who seemed to collectively gasp. He ignored that for the time being. 

“Just… I’ll explain it in a bit. Let’s get you all settled in first, alright?” 

Katara was already frowning. “Alright, but you’re going to explain  _ that _ ,” she pointed to the left side of his face ( _ ah shit right _ ), “as well.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course I will. But for now, I’ll have you escorted to your rooms and then meet me down at the turtleduck pond?”

There was a general murmur of agreement as they all began walking in their separate directions. 

Zuko made his way to the turtleduck pond for the first time in what felt like  _ forever _ . Sitting down on the ground in front of the pond, he felt truly at peace for the first time since his infamous conversation with Mai. He sighed in relaxation. 

“You know Mother,” he said to no one in particular, “I think you’d like everyone. You’d probably be proud of me for having friends, and I’m proud of me too. I’m- I’m really becoming someone you’d be proud of. I hope wherever you are, you’re happier than you were here. Oh! And you’d be proud of me for making such progress with Mieko. We’ve really come a long way…”

“Mind if I take a seat?”

Zuko turned, a little embarrassed to have been caught, to see Sokka leaning against a tree behind him. He tentatively smiled at him, and beckoned him closer. Sokka started to move to his left, and Zuko was about to object, to make some excuse, but before he had to, Sokka seemed to make a decision and sat on his right. He stretched back in the grass and gave Zuko a lazy smile. 

“So jerkbender, I didn’t mean to listen in honest, but who’s this mysterious Mieko you were talking about?”

Zuko felt his face go crimson as he held his palms out for Sokka to see. In it was nestled Mieko, who seemed upset at having to see a new person instead of Zuko. That startled a laugh out of Sokka, and he just kept laughing. 

“Oh- Tui and La! Here I thought you- you had left us for some girlfriend,” he wheezed in between laughs, “but it’s a turtleduck!”

“Excuse you! Mieko is not ‘just a turtleduck’ she is a respected member of the Fire Nation Royal Family!”

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry. Can I touch her?”

Zuko pretended to contemplate it for a moment, before tugging Mieko back to his chest protectively. 

“No. She doesn’t like you,” he pouted. 

Sokka let out an indignant squawk but before he could say anything else, the rest of their group had gathered on the grass. 

“What’s Snoozles crying about now?”

“Zuko won’t let me pet his turtleduck!”

“Is this some weird euphemism?” Suki stage whispered to Toph, who only shrugged. 

Zuko sighed and pulled Mieko away from his robes to show her off to the rest of them. “No this is Mieko. She was my first friend at the palace, because it turns out I have a habit of befriending those that I have committed aggravated assault against.”

“Zuko!” Katara reprimanded. “What did you do to the poor turtleduck?”

“Hey! I was a kid, okay?” he gently placed Mieko in his lap, and she quacked happily. “I was sitting out here with Mother, and I kinda-sorta-maybe threw an entire loaf or bread at Mieko. In all fairness, her mother did bite me in retaliation.”

That caused Sokka to collapse into giggles again. And just like that, everyone was laughing. At Zuko, with Sokka, at Sokka- whatever reason, they were all laughing. And it was nice, Zuko enjoyed the feeling. 

“This is nice,” he blurted out. “I’ve missed you all. It’s been- well let’s just say it’s been hard to deal with everyone’s shit without you guys.”

“You know you could’ve written to any of us to ask us to come, and we would’ve?” said Aang. 

“Yeah I know,” sighed Zuko, “that’s the problem. I couldn’t bring myself to make you guys come back. I knew you would, but I didn’t want to make you have to.”

He grimaced. “It’s been a pretty difficult year though. I’m glad that I at least survived,” he said with a tight smile. 

“Speaking of…” Katara looked over at him. “What was that whole thing with Ming?”

“And what’s up with your face?” butted in Sokka, before his expression immediately turned sheepish at Suki’s glare. “Oh, not like that! Sorry… that sounded terrible. I just mean-“ he waved his hand in the general direction of Zuko’s injured side. “Y’know,” he finished weakly. 

Zuko let Mieko crawl through the loose sleeve of his robe, and pop out onto his shoulder. She quacked happily in his ear, and he smiled. Zuko let himself revel in the moment for a second, before turning back to the ground, turtleduck still perched on his shoulder. 

“Well… I suppose I should start from the beginning. Or, well- I’ll start from the time after all of you guys left. By then, it was just me and Mai in the palace when it happened. Just,” he paused to think, “yeah, just two weeks after Toph and Uncle left, we had the first attempt. It was late, and I was in my study, when someone broke in through the window. It wasn’t serious, he was just some rogue soldier with a knife. I had him disarmed and on the ground within minutes, and the guards rushed in. But it really doesn’t bode well for you and your regime to have an assassination attempt so quickly, does it?” he finished with a grimace. 

Zuko glanced around at his friends’ (horrified) faces. 

“I never would’ve guessed they would have gone for you so quickly…” Aang looked like he was on the verge of tears already. Zuko felt guilty, but also knew that they deserved to know after months of it being hidden. 

“Why didn’t you tell us? We would’ve come right back and kicked anyone’s ass!” Suki demanded angrily. 

Zuko just looked at her sadly. “Yeah… and like I said before, that’s the problem.” 

Suki still seemed upset, as did everyone else. Except for Sokka. Zuko had no idea what was going across his friend’s face, which worried him. He could only hope it wasn’t anything terrible. 

“But Zuko, that still doesn’t explain what’s happened today. Ming wouldn’t have been so defensive about the water after so many months- and those bruises look fresh too,” said Katara. 

“Yes, well… it’s related to it in a sense. That moment was just, the beginning of the end I guess. I didn’t want news of that to leave the palace, because the last thing I needed was  _ more  _ attempts on my life, after everyone saw how weak I was. So life went on. A few months later, Mai was still here, and I felt like I had to talk to her about our relationship. But don’t worry!” He interrupted himself, seeing his friends’ worried faces. “We did what was best, and broke up. Officially this time. We both wanted different things.”

“You two seemed so good together,” commented Sokka. 

Zuko gave a small smile. “Honestly, I wish it could’ve worked out. Unfortunately, let’s just say Mai isn’t exactly looking for a man anytime soon.”

That had Suki clapping her hands together. “Oh! Of course, how could I forget!” she turned to Zuko, “all the girls are coming by for the celebrations, including Mai and Ty Lee. She’s really happy with her, Zuko, and wanted to let you know that you ‘have more of a chance than you think’? I think that’s what she said, I don’t know what it means but you probably do?”

“Yeah I do, and I think she’s full of shit, which I will be letting her know in person,” Zuko muttered in response. 

“Wait Mai’s gay?” asked Toph. 

“Oh yes, very gay,” replied Suki. 

“Nice.”

Zuko couldn’t help it- he broke out into hysterical laughter. He laughed until he felt like he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. And only then did he take a deep breath, and let out what had been bothering him for 17 years. 

“I’m gay,” he didn’t want to look them in the eye, “and I’ve only ever told Mai and Uncle before, because the last thing I need is my stupid council to add that to the reasons to dislike me. I mean, I fired A-wut and Taigen because they were upset that I  _ wasn’t  _ racist, but they probably would’ve just tried to kill me if they knew I was gay, because everyone on that council is horrible. I hate them all. Actually, no. I love Ambassador Ting Zhe, I want him to be my father. My real father is horrible, but I like Ting Zhe quite a lot- I feel as though he’d get along with Uncle-“

“Whoah there pal,” Toph held her arms out to grasp his shoulder, “slow down. One thing at a time Sparky, your heart rate’s all over the place.”

“Okay, okay,” he took a deep breath to steady himself. “So, um, yeah. I’m gay. I’ve never said it out loud before but yeah.”

He looked around at his friends, at his  _ family _ , and saw only blank looks for one terrifying moment. Then, Toph broke the silence and punched him on the arm. 

“Me too, Sparky. Me too.”

Then, everyone’s faces broke out into smiles, all aimed at him. He felt Sokka lean in on his side, and with an exaggerated movement, swung his arm around Zuko’s shoulders. The smile he gave him was less like the others’, all variations of proud grins, no, Sokka’s was a soft smile that made Zuko’s heart both melt and twist. 

_ You can’t have this _ . 

_ That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the moments I get.  _

Once everyone had settled back down, Zuko cleared his throat, and readied himself to keep talking. Sokka’s arm was still resting around his shoulder and he couldn’t bring himself to push it off. 

“Ahem, but, uh, yeah. So Mai and I broke up, and she left a little while later to join up with Ty Lee. So I saw her off, and went to a meeting later that day,” he frowned thoughtfully, “I mean that meeting was just like any other but there was something about it that just keeps nagging at me and sticking in my head. But, anyways- it was just a meeting regarding the withdrawal of Fire Nation troops from the Earth Kingdom and the reparations needed for Ba Sing Se. But every time I tried to talk, stupid A-wut or Taigen would just interrupt me.”

“Who’re they?” asked Aang. 

“They were two generals from my fa- from Ozai’s time. Very annoying, very racist, very old fashioned. Agni, I don’t even remember everything they said but they were just so obnoxious about it. By the end the whole room was shouting, and I just stripped them of their titles and place on the council.”

“Were they really that bad?” Katara sounded so innocent in her question. Zuko almost wanted to tell her they weren’t, maybe he had got carried away, the Fire Nation wasn’t  _ as  _ cruel to their own subjects as she thought. But he couldn’t; Zuko couldn’t just tell his friends that A-wut and Taigen hadn’t deserved it because they deserved, so,  _ so _ much worse. 

“They were. And honestly, they deserved worse than just that. But,” Zuko finally shrugged Sokka’s arm off, bringing his knees to his chest and resting his scarred side on them, “I’m not the type to want to banish them, or challenge them to an Agni Kai or-“ Zuko stopped. 

Everyone was looking at him questioningly, but he just groaned and fell on his back. Zuko allowed himself a moment to stare at the sky, to try and find peace, before he settled himself back into a comfortable seating position. 

“Son of a bitch! Those two did what  _ I  _ did, but worse! At least I didn’t fucking threaten anyone,” he grumbled. 

“Sparky, all due respect, but what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that A-wut and Taigen spoke out in a war meeting, against something they found immoral, in front of the Fire Lord, and they  _ didn’t _ get burnt, or banished- unlike  _ some  _ people.”

Sokka was staring at him in confusion. “What? What are you talking about, Zuko?”

Zuko gave him a blank look. “What do you mean? Do you-“ he looked around at all of them frantically, “do you not  _ know _ ? Oh Agni…”

“Not know what?”

Zuko groaned again. “I thought everyone knew this by now,” he muttered. “About, well,  _ this _ ,” he said louder, gesturing to the scar. At their bemused looks he huffed. “Guess I should probably tell you the story, since it’s important to, well, the other story I was telling.”

He felt a gentle touch on his elbow, and looked to see Sokka. “You don’t have to tell us if it’s a bad memory for you,” he said softly. Zuko gave him a small smile to let his friend know he was okay with saying it. 

“It’s about time that you guys all learned. I mean, I thought you knew, since no one really asked, but I’ll tell you now,” he took a deep breath. 

“Growing up, I was fourth in line to the throne. No one ever thought I’d get it, and neither did I. But Ozai always had me trained and pushed like I was going to be Fire Lord in a week. It was stupid, I never got any breaks, and I was pushed and pushed to the edge of my phsyical capabilities as a literal  _ child _ . Azula had always been the prodigy, and out of the two of us, I was just trying to not get fifth place. I just… I wasn’t better than her, I’m still not. I know that. But every damn day it would be ‘Azula has mastered three new katas, what have you done Zuko?’. He always said that Azula was born lucky, and I was lucky to be born. All I ever wanted was for him to love me, to look at me with the same pride that he did Azula. I knew somewhere in my mind that he didn’t love me, and he never would, but I never let myself believe it. When I was eleven, Azula told me he was going to kill me. ‘But he loves me’ was all I could think. When I think about it, that’s probably the moment my personal mantra came from,” he closed his eyes and repeated mechanically, “ _ Azula always lies _ .”

He opened his eyes and looked at his friends’ faces, all ranging from anger at his father, at Azula, to concern. Zuko managed a grim smile- those expressions would probably be changing very soon. 

“If I told myself Azula always lied, it would make it harder for her to hurt me. Of course, that turned out to be the one time she  _ wasn’t  _ lying,” he heard a small gasp come from Aang at that statement. “Well, sorta. He was going to, but he never did because-“

“Zuko? Are you okay?”

He let out a burst of high pitched, and nearly hysterical, laughter. He kept laughing, knowing all he was doing was probably causing them to worry, but he couldn’t stop. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he eventually wheezed out. “It’s just that I’ve finally connected the dots. Mother left when I was eleven, and when I confronted Ozai on the eclipse, before he shot the lightning at me and stuff, he told me she had committed treason, and was banished. Well, she left at night, and the next day I woke up, and my grandfather was dead. She killed Azulon!” he burst out laughing again. 

“Uh, Zuko?” asked Suki. “Is this… a good thing?”

Zuko calmed himself down and shrugged. “The old rat bastard had it coming honestly. And it was either him of me. No one was too broken up about it. Ozai became Fire Lord, Azula felt more powerful, and I was still alive. I never questioned it past that point really.”

“Wow,” breathed Suki, “growing up in the Fire Nation seems so…”

“Awful,” Toph butted in. “It sounds terrible here Sparky. You went through all that?”

“Oh well that’s not even anywhere close to the worst part of the story,” Zuko said nonchalantly, and that seemed like the worst thing to say, as they all looked appalled at the idea. “So when I was thirteen, I had wanted to really prove to Ozai that I was mature, and ready to take the throne. So I begged Uncle to bring me into a war meeting with him, and of course he took me. When I was in there, the Generals were stating their plan to sacrifice the entire 41st Division as bait, as fresh meat. You have to understand,” he begged, “they were all so young. They were my age now. I couldn’t let them do that!”

“Whoah, calm down there pal,” Sokka grabbed Zuko’s wrist before he inevitably sprung to his feet to start pacing. “Trust me, we get it. That’s disgusting that anyone would even think about doing that. You don’t need to prove yourself to us Zuko.”

“I take it that’s not the end of the story though, is it?” asked Katara sadly. 

“No,” Zuko sighed, “it’s really not. I burst out and told everyone there that they couldn’t do it. That the soldiers were loyal to the Fire Nation- it was betraying them! Of course, no one took kindly to that. I was challenged to an Agni Kai, and I figured it was against the old general that I’d spoken out against. He looked frail, I was so sure that I could take him.”

“A general did that to you?” whispered Aang.

Zuko grimaced. “I wish. See, everything in Fire Nation tradition is about honour and respect. By speaking out in the Fire Lord’s war room, I had disrespected not only the general, but the Fire Lord as well. So, in front of a crowd of nobles and military officers, I had to duel my father.”

Suki leapt to her feet. “Nope that’s it. Ozai had a good run but someone needs to tell me where he is right the hell now or I’ll figure it out myself.”

Toph grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. “As much as I wanna kick Loserlord Ozai’s ass as well, I’d rather be here with Sparky.”

Suki grumbles in agreement and sits back down, but not before sending Zuko a look that clearly means  _ I-can-and-will-kill-your-dad-if-you-just-ask _ . He’s oddly comforted by it. 

“So I was forced to duel my father,” Zuko’s surprised at how little his voice is shaking. “Obviously I couldn’t- I was thirteen, and he was my father. I begged on my knees, in front of just about every important person in the whole damn nation. I begged on my knees for his forgiveness, I told him I was his loyal son, that I didn’t mean any disrespect. And so he reached out and delicately held my face in his hands, the exact way that Mother would comfort me. And he told me,” Zuko took shaky breath, “ ‘You will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher’. A-and then he just lit his hand. Just- just let it burn on my skin. I don’t remember much after I first felt it. When I woke up, it was three days later and I was on my ship. Uncle told me I had been banished, sent on a quest to find the Avatar, and to not return until I had found him,” he hung his head, “and I know that Aang wasn’t even here until a year ago. I know this  _ now _ . It was just to get rid of me; I wasn’t supposed to come back.”

The long since forgotten Mieko, now settled in his lap, quacked up at him; he smiled at her through tears he didn’t even feel form. Zuko gave her a few head pats before setting her down in the water. As soon as she was out of his hands, Zuko felt himself being tackled to the ground, and almost knocked into the pond. He looked up and noted that it was Toph who was on top of him, her arms firmly wrapped around his middle. 

“Zuko you ass, you deserved so much better than that shit.”

“What, no nickname?” Zuko joked weakly, swiping at his eyes.

Her only response was to squeeze him harder, before Sokka had to come over and pry her off. 

“C’mon Toph, the man needs to breathe,” he said, before promptly grabbing Zuko into his own arms. 

“Oh that’s not fair Snoozles! You don’t get to hog the Fire Lord,” Toph complained, to which Sokka’s only response was to stick his tongue out and pull said Fire Lord even closer. Zuko quietly sighed in contentment at being pulled close to Sokka’s chest. 

“Zuko,” came Aang’s upset voice, “you should’ve told us before! It would’ve- maybe we could’ve-“

He cut him off. “I understand what you’re saying, but I didn’t tell you for that reason. My childhood explains my actions, but it doesn’t justify them. The whole chasing you guys around the world and raiding both Poles was really… not cool of me.”

He heard Sokka snort from behind him, Toph punched him on the arm again, and Aang, Katara, and Suki all just laughed. 

“I think I was going somewhere with this all before… oh, right. That whole thing probably sounded like it came out of nowhere, huh?”

“I’m still just worried about where the new injuries on your face came from,” Katara said gently. “If you need me to heal them, I’d be glad to.”

Zuko cringed a little at the memory of his head hitting the floor, of being restrained by icicles, of those chunks of ice slicing through his scarred skin. 

“Well… I had this head of her guards. I went through and tried my best to weed out Ozai’s supporters from the staff, the guard especially. So with whom I had left, I made this woman, Kibo, head guard. After the first attempt, she was always close by. It was a little uncomfortable, that she was always on my left. I knew she wouldn’t hurt me, but having her on that side was… not easy on the nerves.”

Toph looked confused. “What’s wrong with your left side? I mean, I obviously know about the scar, but what else?”

“The scar stretches across a lot of my face, including back to the ear. It’s all shrivelled and gross, honestly you’re not missing much by not being able to look at my face. But, since it was such a damaging wound, I can’t really hear out of my left ear, and my left eye is all messed up too. So Kibo was always in my blind, and deaf, spot. If it was one of you guys I wouldn’t mind, but there was something about her being there that made me uncomfortable. I didn’t think she’d ever do anything terrible, but I was really, really wrong when it came to that,” he gave an awkward laugh. 

“What’d she do?” asked Suki, in a voice just above a whisper. 

Zuko cleared his throat, and leaned back a little, still not getting up from Sokka’s hold. “She must’ve told the other guards to not come by my room or something, because a few nights ago, she tried to- well, kill me,” someone quietly gasped, but Zuko was too focused on trying to get the rest of the story out. “She rushed at me and I’m lucky I keep my Dao so close to my bed, because after a few minutes I had her disarmed. I thought it was over, since I had her sword, but it turns out she’s kinda-sorta-maybe a waterbender?” he weakly and awkwardly chuckled at the end. 

“That’s why that other guard wanted to take my waterskin!” cried Katara, before a look of abject horror crossed her face. “You were almost murdered by a waterbender, no wonder she was worried.”

“But why would she do that? You said that she didn’t support Ozai,” asked Aang. 

Zuko grimaced at that. “It was a lot more… personal for Kibo. Her brother was a member of the 41st- the division that I couldn’t save. I know, and I think she knows deep down as well, that there was nothing I could’ve done for them, but she needed someone to blame, and I was the best person. And since her mother is from the North, she felt like she needed someone to blame for-“ Zuko cut himself off abruptly, realising who he exactly he was pressed into. He pulled himself from Sokka’s embrace and sat back a little, with his knees to his chest, pointedly looking down. Sokka made a small noise of confusion, but Zuko refused to look up at him. 

“She needed to blame someone for Princess Yue’s death too.”

Before anyone else could say anything, Zuko was rambling again. “A-and I  _ know _ I didn’t kill the moon spirit or whatever happened. I know that was Zhao. But still! I reached out to Zhao and I tried to save him from death, even after he led to Princess Yue’s. I tried to save him even after all the shit he put you guys through- all the shit he put  _ me  _ through, I mean Agni, I can see exactly why she’d blame me!” 

Zuko suddenly felt himself being tugged back into an embrace. He looked up in shock to see that it was Sokka’s once more. The other boy had an unreadable expression on his face as he stared at Zuko, like he was the only other person there. 

“Zuko, listen to me. You didn’t kill Yue, you had nothing to do with her death. Zhao killed her, you didn’t, and reaching out to try and help him is a natural thing to do. It means you have empathy, something he severely lacked. You did not do anything in that situation to lead to her death, got it? Her becoming the moon spirit was not your fault.” Zuko nodded, and cleared his throat. 

“That’s rough buddy.”

Sokka groaned and shoved away a laughing Zuko. Suki only raised a single brow, and Katara looked exasperated. 

“Do you two have some sort of inside joke?”

“My first girlfriend turned into the moon,” Zuko said, trying to imitate Sokka’s voice, which only caused everyone- excluding Sokka- to laugh. 

“Yeah well, the first one turned into the moon, and the second left me for Toph,” Sokka grumbled. Zuko’s laughter cut off into a series of choked coughs. 

“Excuse me?”

Toph only grinned. “Don’t look so surprised Sparky, I've got game.”

“Sure. When _I_ was your age I was chasing around a mythological being, not getting any girlfriends, so excuse me for not knowing that you can do that.”

Toph only cackled in response, practically nose diving into Suki’s lap at the statement. Suki laughed good naturedly and shifted to let the earthbender sit more comfortably. Katara turned to Zuko again. 

“Do you want me to heal you?”

Zuko hesitated. On one hand, it would be great to not feel the dull ache of bruises and cuts, but on the other, said bruises and cuts had been caused by water, and Zuko wasn’t entirely eager to have that near his face again anytime soon. Katara seemed to sense his hesitation, because she gave him a small smile. 

“Maybe I’ll do it a different time.”

Zuko just nodded, grateful for his family, and grateful to be around them. He found himself settled closer and closer to Sokka without even meaning to. The other boy’s arms wrapped around him, and Zuko suddenly realised what had been said. 

_ Sokka and Suki weren’t together anymore.  _

He hid a private smile in Sokka’s chest. Zuko felt himself drifting off into sleep, but the last thought he had before falling, into the most peaceful and restful sleep he’d had in years-

_ Maybe I can have this.  _

  
  
  
  
  


Uncle arrived the day before all the celebrations started. As soon as he came into Zuko’s view, the young Fire Lord launched himself into his arms, and only let go when Iroh asked if he fancied a cup of tea and a game of Pai Sho. Which led to Zuko glaring daggers at the board and proclaiming-

“I hate this game! It makes no sense.”

The laugh that came from Uncle was deep and full, and it reminded Zuko of a better time. He had missed him more than he would ever let on, even more than all- well most of his friends. 

“Perhaps we should leave the game and take a walk instead, nephew.”

Zuko gladly accepted, and threw down the piece he had been holding in his hand. He let Iroh lead the way, not really caring where they went, only caring to be by his uncle’s side. 

“So, nephew, how have you been? I understand it is a very broad question, but I hope you’ll tell me if there is anything bothering you.”

Zuko sighed and remembered Azula’s words from the last visit. 

_ I was alone, but you don’t need to be. Tell someone, I know you have friends. Just don’t let yourself lose it. _

“I visited Azula again a few weeks ago. And then my head of guards tried to kill me. And I also think I’m losing my mind.”

Uncle only raised a single eyebrow at him. “It seems that you’ve been keeping this inside for a long time, nephew. Come sit, and we’ll talk.” Uncle pulled him down by the turtleduck pond, because of course that’s where they would walk to. 

“Uncle,” Zuko began softly, “I keep seeing him everywhere, keep hearing him everywhere. I keep hallucinating him next to me, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t want to lose myself like Azula did.”

Uncle put a hand over the ones Zuko had folded in his lap. “Azula isolates herself from everyone. She had friends, but she never let them get close to her. I see you have friends as well, and you have let them in. As long as you do not push them away, as long as you let them help, they will be there for you. I understand that after everything, my brother would still be haunting you, and I will never forgive him for the hurt he has caused you, nephew.”

“It’s- it’s not Ozai, Uncle,” Zuko said, tears forming in his eyes, as he looked at his uncle straight on. “It’s Lu Ten.”

“Oh Zuko…” and with that, he let his uncle envelop him in a hug, unashamedly crying into his shoulder. 

“H-he keeps coming to me, and he speaks in a way that’s not him. I know it’s not Lu Ten, he's too cold and harsh for it to be him, but it looks like him. I lost the war, Uncle. I lost the Fire Nation the war, and I did it for the good of everyone! But- but it still feels like he died for nothing. That’s what he tells me. If I could’ve ended the war sooner, maybe he wouldn’t have died.”

Zuko was now full on sobbing, unable to contain the tears soaking into his uncle’s robes. 

“Nephew, you said so yourself. It’s not him. Lu Ten would never say such things to you. He loved you with all his heart, and only days before he went into his last battle, he was talking about you. He loved you, nephew, and he would be proud of you for all that you’ve done.”

Zuko looked up, hope filling his expression. “He would?”

Iroh hugged him tighter. “Yes Zuko, he would.”

He relaxed at the answer, and buried his face completely in Uncle’s shoulder, relishing in the contact that he got. For the second time in a matter of days, Zuko let calm and content wash over him. He was safe, and he was in his uncle’s arms. 

  
  
  
  


Zuko hardly retained or remembered any of the formal events regarding the anniversary of his coronation. He remembered giving some sort of speech, and listening to many more. He remembered his friends’ proud smiles. He remembered a feast, that led to a dance. He remembered dancing and grinning at his friends. 

Zuko remembered grabbing Mai, who had arrived that day, and pulling her aside, congratulating her on getting together with Ty Lee. She only smirked at him, and asked if he had done anything about his situation yet. 

“Well, no. But I’m getting there! I think.”

“Sure thing, loverboy,” he could only scowl at the nickname, and Mai cackled. 

“Someone seems more expressive,” he teased. 

“Yeah well, no thanks to you. This was all Ty Lee’s doing, and it’s disgusting. I’m  _ happy,  _ Zuko.”

He gave her a soft smile. “I’m glad Mai, I really am.” She knocked their shoulders together. 

“Thank you Zuko. For real. I wouldn’t have gotten this without you, and you deserve it too. Oh but look,” she gestured at Sokka, who was sneaking away from all the crowds, “there goes your man.”

“Do you think this is it?”

“I do.”

“Well,” Zuko turned in the direction Sokka had gone, “I hope you’re right.”

With that, and a quick encouraging hug from Mai, he strode off in search of Sokka. 

It didn’t take Zuko too long to find him, leaning on the guard rails of a nearby balcony. Zuko nodded to the guards stationed next to the doors out to the balcony, and walked over to stand at Sokka’s right. The other boy was looking up at the moon with the same indiscernible expression Zuko had seen a few days ago at the turtleduck pond. 

“Hey,” Zuko said, if only to announce his presence, “what’re you thinking about?”

Sokka turned his head towards Zuko, eyes looking almost uncomfortably close at him. Zuko felt like Sokka was seeing into his very soul with that look, but found himself unable to dislike it. That was very common with things that Sokka did. 

“Everything, but also nothing, y’know?”

“Yeah, I do.”

They sank into silence for a little while, content to simply sit by the other’s side, before Sokka broke it. 

“I miss her sometimes. Yue, that is. She just reminds me of everything I’ve lost during the last 5, 6 years. I mean, sometimes I forget my mom’s face,” he clearly aimed for a lighthearted, joking tone by the end, but the effect was ruined when his voice cracked, with tears threatening to spill. 

Zuko put a hand on his shoulder. “I get that. In 6 years I lost my mother, my cousin, my sister, so many people. It’s hard to see their faces sometimes, but as long as you know in your heart that you loved them, that you still love them, they’re never forgotten.”

Sokka sniffled. “I guess you  _ have _ picked up some ideas from Iroh.”

Zuko huffed a small laugh, before turning to lean on the railing. “For the last few months, I’ve been seeing things, hearing things. I’ve been getting visited, both in nightmares and in daytime, by my cousin Lu Ten. He died 6 years ago in the failed 600 Day Siege of Ba Sing Se. But a few weeks ago, I saw him again for the first time, awake. He told me that I was ruining the Nation, that I had ended the war too late, that I had lost for nothing. And I believed that if my cousin were truly alive, that’s what he would be saying to me. I was too focused on the way that those thoughts looked like him, to actually hear how they were said. They were spoken like my father would, not like my cousin.”

“Tui and La Zuko, that’s horrible. You should’ve written to me about it.”

“I should’ve,” he sighed, “and I promise I’ll tell you from now on. But I didn’t say that to make you worried, I just wanted you to know that knowing how the person looks doesn’t mean everything. Like I said, I ignored the fact that those were words my father would’ve said to me, because they were coming from my cousin’s mouth. If I had forgotten how he looked, it wouldn’t have been as bad. Just because you might not remember every detail of your mother’s face, doesn’t mean you don’t remember what it was like to be near her.”

Sokka knocked their shoulders together. “When did you get so wise? Last time we had a conversation like this alone, you told me to ‘take a bite out of the silver sandwich’. Which, by the way, I still don’t know what that means.”

“I… don’t really either. I just threw some words together and hoped it would make sense?”

He laughed. “Spirits you’re so socially inept, why do I love you?”

Zuko froze, and so did Sokka. “I- uh- I mean, um-“

“Do you mean it?”

“What?”

Zuko felt desperate. He turned his whole body to face Sokka, his tone begging and pleading. 

“Do you mean that? Do you love me?”

Sokka’s face went from total panic, to a soft and adoring expression. “Yeah, I do.”

Zuko burst out sobbing and hurled himself into the other boy’s arms, throwing them both to the ground. Sokka pulled them both up so they were leaning against the base of the railing, and gathered Zuko into his arms.

“You alright buddy?”

“You can’t just call me buddy after telling me you loved me,” Zuko sniffled, “that’s not how this works.”

Sokka laughed. “Oh is it?”

Zuko could only nod, and push his face into the other boy’s shoulder. He mumbled something incoherent.

“What?”

He reluctantly pulled his face away. “I said I love you too.”

Sokka’s grin was blinding. “Oh well that makes this so much easier.”

He leaned forwards, just a little bit, allowing Zuko to move away if he didn’t want it. On the contrary, Zuko moved forward as well, and their lips key halfway in a gentle kiss. Every part of Zuko’s body screamed with how right this felt. Anything he ever did with Mai felt stilted, like there was something off. Sitting here with Sokka, everything felt right, and he couldn’t believe that he’d ever denied himself this feeling before. 

When they parted, Sokka guided their foreheads to rest together and let out a breathless laugh. “Well I can’t say that was exactly what I was expecting to happen.”

“What did you think?”

“Well I was expecting to tell you that, and for you to be repulsed and ban me from the Fire Nation forever, and then I’d have to legally change my name to Wang Fire, and sneak throughout the colonies to be able to occasionally see you, even though you wanted nothing to do with me. And then I would eventually be caught, and be forcefully deported and relocated to the Earth Kingdom where I’d have to pay for my crimes by working with cabbage man and selling cabbages as a criminal for the rest of my days.”

Zuko blinked. “That’s- wow okay. I’m glad that didn’t happen.”

“Yeah, yeah I am too.”

Their eyes met, and both boys both started laughing. Zuko had never felt this light before in his entire life. It was like nothing could ever go wrong. 

When their laughter eventually died down, Zuko snuggled closer into Sokka’s chest. He sighed in complete and utter bliss. 

“You know, this is probably the only time I’ll ever say it, but I’m glad for one thing Ozai did.”

“And what the hell did the greasy Loserlord do right?”

Zuko laughed at the disdain in Sokka’s tone. “I’m glad that he shot lightning at me because without him doing that, I might never have joined you guys.” 

“Well I’m not happy he shot lightning at you, but hey, whatever keeps you positive I guess.”

“Remember when I kicked you off the gangplank?”

“Wow we’re really just going down a bad memory lane here huh? Remember when I hit you with my boomerang?”

“No, I think the hit knocked the memories out of me.”

Sokka chuckled, and gave Zuko a small kiss on the cheek. “And it was love at first physical assault.”

“More like love at first prison break.”

“Hm, yeah, that works too.”

Zuko gave a small, content laugh. 

_ Yeah, you get to keep this.  _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> oh boy what a journey that was 
> 
> sorry if it seemed rushed or anything by the end, i just really wanted to get this finished and it's currently almost 5 am
> 
> im thinking about maybe making this into a series and having other parts based around maybe things like azula redemption (because i love her), or sokka becoming ambassador and everyone being racist or just dicks because zuko was almost killed by a waterbender, and how they handle that situation- so yeah i HAVE the ideas, i just don’t know if anyone wants them
> 
> also sorry if anything seems weird or non canon compliant, feel free to be like “um el wtf is this that didn’t happen” because some times i get confused 
> 
> and i feel bad that i used lu ten kinda as a tool in this because i really Do like him
> 
> and lastly, if you need help, or just feel down, there will always be people there to help you !! reach out to them, because they love you and are here for you


End file.
